From The PFM Vault: Ndamukong Suh Responds to Accusations of Dirty Play With Kick to Groin of Reporter

By
Updated: August 9, 2014
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED SEPT 11, 2013:

DETROIT – After being assessed a $100,000 fine by the NFL following yet another personal foul penalty, controversial Lions DT Ndamukong Suh answered questions about his perceived dirty style of play with a sharp kick to the groin of Detroit Free Press reporter Dave Birkett, it was reported late Tuesday.

LIONS - Ndamukong Suh roars

“Ndamukong, do you feel that the fine imposed upon you by the league after your low block on Vikings center John Sullivan this past Sunday is excessive, and if so what do you say to your critics who OWWWWWWWWWWW,” said Birkett, 32, after being struck forcefully in the crotch by Suh’s size 18 cleat. Birkett then crumpled to the floor and writhed in pain while emitting a series of high pitched whimpers.   “Anyone else got a question?” asked Suh of the remaining reporters, who shook their heads in unison and immediately scurried off to Calvin Johnson’s locker.   Suh, 26, is perceived by many of his fellow players as a cheap shot artist. He famously stomped on the arm of Packers OL Evan Dietrich-Smith during a Thanksgiving game in 2011, then again on Thanksgiving of 2012 he was flagged for kicking Texans QB Matt Schaub in the groin. Tuesday’s $100,000 fine, one of the largest in NFL history for an on-field infraction, marks the sixth time on his career that Suh has been penalized by the league.   Given his violent history and unsavory reputation, one can only conclude that Suh is a sociopathic menace, and this reporter hereby calls on the NFL to ban him from the league permanently, effective immediately, before he attacks any more unsuspecting… hey, how did you get in here? Ndamukong, for god’s sake, no, stay away! I was just kidding! I’ll retract it I swear! Please don’t AUUUUGHHHH

24 Comments

  1. Ben Roethlisberger

    March 31, 2014 at 9:22 am

    It’s funny because he’s frequently thrown out of games for kicks to the crotch.

  2. Nick Foles

    August 9, 2014 at 7:57 am

    HOW THE FUCK DID I TIE ALL MY INTERCEPTIONS TROWN LAST SEASON IN 1 MOTHERFUCKING QUARTER OF A PRESEASON GAME!!!!!!!!!! also that’s a fake Roethelesberger, he uses caps. !!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Matt Ryan

    August 9, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Should have taken lessons from me last night! 7/7 in a single drive! No incompletions, no picks, and a won game! Now if we can get some to teach Jake Matthews how to use his HANDS the right way, Falcons are going all the way this year!

  4. Russel Wilson

    August 9, 2014 at 7:47 pm

    Last year begs to differ.

  5. Matt Ryan

    August 9, 2014 at 8:06 pm

    WILSON, I WILL TAKE THAT LOMBARDI TROPHY FROM YOUR TROPHY CASE AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT!

  6. Russel Wilson

    August 9, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    Why don’t you use yours? Oh yeah, I forgot. The Falcons never won a Super Bowl.

  7. Aaron Rodgers

    August 9, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    Hey Wilson, looks like someone stole an “l” from your name and added it to your record!

  8. Peyton Manning

    August 9, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    HAHHAHAHHAHAH WE BEAT SEATTLE!!!!!!!!

  9. Russell Wilson

    August 9, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    RODGERS I WILL TELL SAM BRADFORD THAT YOU HAVE GAY FEELINGS FOR HIM

  10. Russell Wilson

    August 9, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    I MEAN… its just the preseason who the hell cares

  11. Peyton Manning

    August 9, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    WE STILL AVENGED OUR SUPERBOWL LOSS

  12. Terrell Pryor

    August 9, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    WE STILL WON THE SUPERBOWL

  13. Russell Wilson

    August 9, 2014 at 10:31 pm

    *I* won the superbowl. You were sucking in Oakland last year. Just like you sucked in that meaningless preseason game.

  14. Matt Ryan

    August 10, 2014 at 2:43 am

    He out-threw Peyton Goddamn Manning. And he sure as hell out-threw you.

    Oh, and quit talking about winning the Super Bowl. THAT WAS LAST YEAR, BITCHES. New season, nothing else matters! At least not until the Preseason’s over. When IS the Preseason over anyway? I hate using up all my awesome in games that ultimately don’t mean jack or shit, let alone jackshit.

  15. Girl who whispers "vagina"

    August 10, 2014 at 6:18 am

    *whispers* vagina

  16. Copycat

    August 10, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    *whispers* vagina

  17. Tom Brady

    August 10, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    Ryan, you never had any awesome performances, preseason or regular season. Unless you mean “Awesome chokes in playoff games”

  18. Russell Wilson

    August 10, 2014 at 9:57 pm

    I recall playing Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl last year instead of Tom Brady. Why was that?

  19. Darth Anonymous

    August 11, 2014 at 12:21 am

    I made him choke just to humiliate Belichick. It was my proudest moment of the year. Can’t wait to do it again next January.

  20. Steve Harvey

    August 13, 2014 at 10:53 am

    If a man loves you… he’s willing to profess it. He’ll give you a title after a while. You’re going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancee, his wife, his baby’s mama, something.

  21. Sam Bradford

    August 18, 2014 at 2:29 am

    Hey Aaron, Russell told me you have intimate feelings for me! First im going to teach you how to fist your diabetic grandmother while urinating on your cat! <3

  22. 49ers win De Super Bowl

    August 18, 2014 at 8:59 pm

    Golden opportunity for a hilarious headline-
    Michael Sam gets first sack against Aaron ” I’m NOT gay”
    Rodgers. Can’t wait!

  23. Micheal Sam

    August 21, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    Is that supposed to be a joke?

  24. Michael Sam

    August 21, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    *casually switches the a and the e*

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