National Guard Shifted From Ferguson To Cleveland After Johnny Manziel Flips Middle Finger

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Updated: August 19, 2014

Obama Mobiles Natl Guard After Johnny Manziel Flips Middle Finger

WASHINGTON – Claiming that the situation was “highly volatile and dangerously close to spiraling out of control,” President Obama today ordered federal guard units to vacate their posts in Ferguson, MO, and relocate immediately to Cleveland to assist local disaster personnel in handling the outrage over Browns QB Johnny Manziel extending his middle finger during a preseason NFL game on ESPN Monday night, sources close to the unrest confirmed early Tuesday.

 

“Today, I am mobilizing the national guard from Missouri to travel from Ferguson to downtown Cleveland, where they can join other units from Ohio, Illinois, Indiana, and Michigan, in order to stand guard and attempt to maintain order in the wake of this horrifying national tragedy,” said Obama after images of Manziel’s middle finger were broadcast live to a national cable television audience. “The thoughts and prayers of my entire administration are with the residents of Cleveland, as well as with all Americans who were traumatized by this awful, unthinkable gesture.”

Nation Guard Troops

 

Added Obama: “May God have mercy on us all for what we have seen.”

 

Manziel, 21, extended the finger in question in the general direction of the Washington Redskins bench as an act of frustration late in the 3rd quarter of the exhibition match. Horrified viewers were exposed to the offensive image for nearly one full second, prompting a national panic and creating the need for the relocation of the Ferguson troops.

 

“While I have not forgotten about the clashes currently taking place in Missouri, my decision to shift the guard units from Ferguson to Cleveland came down to basic priorities,” said Obama. “Hopefully, the brave men and women of our various state forces will be able to control this situation and restore the area to a relative calm before we as a nation are forced to relive the nightmare of ‘nipplegate’ all over again.”

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34 Comments

  1. @Matthew_Stafford

    August 24, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!!^^^

  2. Girl who whispers "vagina"

    August 24, 2014 at 6:03 am

    *whispers* vagina

  3. Peyton GODDAMN Manning

    August 22, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    Hey Joe Flacco, you kind of missed your chance at a good comeback there, kind of like how you always miss open recievers.

  4. Name

    August 22, 2014 at 9:11 pm

    I’m not trying to be funny. I;m trying to put an end to this comment trolling nonsense.

  5. Name's Imposter

    August 22, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    Shut up! You guys aren’t funny. Then again neither am I.

  6. Name

    August 22, 2014 at 6:49 pm

    Shut up! You guys aren’t funny. Then again neither am I.

  7. Anonymous

    August 22, 2014 at 11:00 am

    HE DOES!! Does Super Bowl Xlvii ring a bell Ravens 34 49ers 31!

  8. Guy who hates Johnny Manziel

    August 21, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    Hope the national guard shoots that finger off

  9. Drew Brees

    August 21, 2014 at 4:28 am

    You still have that Super Bowl ring I gave you last Christmas?

  10. Joe Flacco

    August 20, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    Goddammit!!! I have a Super Bowl ring!!!!

  11. Someone else

    August 20, 2014 at 10:05 pm

    If he gets a Super Bowl ring we’ll stop.

  12. Anonymous

    August 20, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    The whole Joe Flacco not being elite is getting old. Change it!

  13. Logic

    August 20, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    Hey, Peyton

    The scorpion will not fit in the middle

  14. Peyton Manning

    August 20, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    WILSON I WILL PUT A SCORPION IN UR SUPER BOWL RING

  15. Russell Wilson

    August 20, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    Anonymous that just sounds like Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl

  16. I LOVE the word MOIST!

    August 20, 2014 at 7:46 pm

    These comments make me MOIST!

  17. Anonymous

    August 20, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    Really Name? You should take credit for that last comment because it’s more entertaining than anything else you’ve said. I know it’s saying much but still nobody likes a whiner.

  18. Copycat

    August 19, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    Just to let you know, that last comment that said “Name” was NOT me. And i’m betting that whoever it was is the same dumbass who is doing one of the unfunny trolls (not the good Russell Wilson trolls).

  19. Name

    August 19, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    Just to let you know, that last comment that said “Name” was NOT me. And i’m betting that whoever it was is the same dumbass who is doing one of the unfunny trolls (not the good Russell Wilson trolls)

  20. Russell Wilson

    August 19, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    You left out “a Super Bowl ring.”

  21. hi

    August 19, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    Porn

  22. The Emperor

    August 19, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    Good good. Let the butthurt flow through you.

  23. Hemepherodite who whispers *

    August 19, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    whispers *

  24. Teddy Bridgewater

    August 19, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    …Quite the wordsmith you are.

  25. Guy Who Hates Russell Wilson's Trolling

    August 19, 2014 at 1:57 pm

    Russell Wilson you like to piss people off and that’s why no one likes your ugly ass. Your going to die alone with no friends for being a bigger douche bag then Manziel.

  26. Name

    August 19, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    PERSON PRETENDING TO BE RUSSELL WILSON, I WILL FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE AND WRITE A LETTER TO PROFOOTBALLMOCK SO YOU CAN BE BANNED FROM THIS WEBSITE ALONG WITH ALL OF THE OTHER TROLLS BECAUSE THAT’S HOW BUTTHURT YOUR COMMENT MADE ME!!!!

  27. Russell Wilson

    August 19, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    It only works when people get pissed off. So I’d say they’re doing it right.

  28. Name

    August 19, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    Seriously people, these comment sections only get worse every single time. Now we have “poop”, “haiku”, and a movie spoiler. If you’re trying to be trolls, then just stop it, and if you’re not trying to be trolls, then also stop it. You’re NOT FUNNY!!! Leave the trolling to Russell Wilson, he’s the only one who makes it funny.

  29. Haiku

    August 19, 2014 at 9:28 am

    all this attention
    johnny’s birdie gets the press
    the browns really suck

  30. Poop

    August 19, 2014 at 8:40 am

    Poop

  31. Chrth

    August 19, 2014 at 5:40 am

    Huh, I didn’t realize the Federal Government was even trying to do anything in Ferguson.

  32. Cam Newton

    August 19, 2014 at 5:06 am

    “Things everyone says when Joe Flacco claims he’s elite?”

  33. Everyone in the World

    August 19, 2014 at 4:52 am

    Oh god, just shut up already.

  34. Guy Who Spoils Movies

    August 19, 2014 at 4:41 am

    Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time.

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