ALTERNATE UNIVERSE UPDATE: Dolphins Sure Glad They Gave Drew Brees Second Physical

Updated: September 27, 2013

The Miami Dolphins, aiming for their 3rd straight Super Bowl championship, sure are glad they gave quarterback Drew Brees a second chance at that physical back in 2006, sources close to the team confirmed Friday.


Also, the Florida sunshine cleared up that thing on his face too.


“Whew. To think we almost let one of the greatest QBs ever to play the game slip through our fingers,” said Dolphin coach Nick Saban, now in his 9th season with the team. “I don’t want to think where this team would’ve been without old number nine in that huddle.”


Brees, an unrestricted free agent in 2006 after his rookie contract with the San Diego Chargers expired, almost left Miami without a contract after his initial visit with the team. A still-healing shoulder injury caused Brees to fail his first physical, and concern that he might never play at a high level again caused the Dolphins to hesitate on signing the signal caller.


“Yeah, he’d already left the team’s headquarters, and was heading to the airport to visit some other team. The Saints maybe? I can’t recall for sure. But thankfully, we came to our senses and got him on the phone before he got to his plane. We told him a talent like his was too rare to let get away, shoulder fear or not. Then we upped our offer to him, to show him our confidence, and he was signed within the hour. He passed the second physical we gave him with flying colors, and the rest is championship history”


With Brees safely on the roster, the Dolphins became an attractive option for other high quality free agents such as Jonathan Vilma, Carl Nicks, Jahri Evans and Darren Sproles, all of whom have helped keep Miami at the top of the league’s standings year after year.


“You know, I’ve actually had other job offers since I’ve been here,” continued Saban. “I’m not at liberty to reveal from whom, but let’s just say that I’m glad the ‘tide’ never rolled me away from Miami, if you know what I’m saying. With a QB like Drew, a team of red elephants couldn’t drag me away from this squad.”

"What? You guys AGAIN," jokes the President after Dolphins' 3rd trip to White House

“What? You guys AGAIN?” jokes the President during Dolphins’ 3rd trip to White House


As the Dolphins’ have piled up the wins, other AFC East teams have been left in their dust. Both the Bills and Jets have shuffled through a steady stream of head coaches in unsuccessful attempts to challenge Miami’s supremacy. Even three-time Super Bowl champ Bill Belichick has not been immune to the Brees ripple effect, as the former Patriot coach, now in his third season as Oakland’s defensive coordinator, was fired by New England in 2009 for failing to solve Bree’s high powered offensive juggernaut.


“It’s been a joy to watch Drew eclipse some of my records,” marveled former Miami great Dan Marino. “Honestly, it would’ve killed me to have seen him break those marks in any other uniform. But knowing that he’s wearing Dolphin colors while he’s rewriting the record books, and bringing home those Lombardi trophies just does my heart good.”

Leave a Reply


  1. Anonymous

    December 10, 2013 at 7:02 am

    If only this was true…

  2. Tracy Lilly

    November 6, 2013 at 7:27 am

    Every fan of an SEC team other than Alabama wishes this story was true.

  3. alex20396

    October 18, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    as a dolphin fan this almost makes me want to cry……

  4. StPatrick

    October 10, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    The Obama comments may be some of the best unintentional trolling I’ve ever seen in that the partisanship isn’t easily discernible. IFHSS’s comment could be read as either “Grrr…I don’t want to see Obama in my football funnies” or “Serious you guys, it’s Not Cool to Mock The President”. The vagueness guarantees that anybody with a sense of humor, no matter their partisan leanings, will be annoyed.

  5. Cock Hero

    October 10, 2013 at 11:10 am

    “Dolphin coach Nick Saban, now in his 9th season with the team.”

  6. Seth

    September 30, 2013 at 1:21 am

    Obama’s there b/c presidents welcome SB winners to the white house, it’s literally just part of the joke…

  7. Fox

    September 30, 2013 at 12:05 am

    Those that make a point of Obama being in a joke article, congrats, you’re morons.

  8. yourmomsface

    September 28, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    Babababuuuutttt hurttt ^

  9. Anonymous

    September 27, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    could do without Obama being in the picture. other than that, great fake news.

  10. IFHSS

    September 27, 2013 at 8:44 am

    HAHA except the Obama part. not cool…

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