FOXBOROUGH, MA – Patriots DT Vince Wilfork, out for the season with an Achilles injury suffered in Sunday’s 30-23 win over the Atlanta Falcons, was fitted by team doctors with a lightweight plastic dish collar to prevent the 325 lb lineman from scratching, licking, or biting at the stitches from his Tuesday surgery, it was reported early this morning.
“It’s for Vince’s own good,” said team doctor Thomas Gill . “I know it looks cruel, but trust me, it’s far preferable to the infections that could be caused if he started gnawing and pulling at those stitches”
“I feel so bad for him, because I know he’s confused by it,” said Wilfork’s wife Bianca. “The poor guy keeps trying to shake it off his head, or push it off by rubbing himself along the carpet. And it limits his vision too, so now when he walks around a corner, he’s constantly banging into a cabinet or something.”
According to Dr. Gill, Wilfork will need to wear the collar for a minimum of seven days to allow the suture area to fully heal.
“Nightime is the worst,” said Ms. Wilfork. “That’s when I hear Vince banging around the house, bumping into all the walls and furniture, looking for some scrap to eat. The cone makes it so hard for him to get any food into his mouth. And that’s when he starts howling and whining.
In related news, New York Jets team officials have contacted the physician for injured QB Mark Sanchez, who is facing a surgery to repair a torn shoulder labrum, to ask if it might not be in everyone’s best interests to simply put the signal caller down and out of his misery.