PRO FOOTBALL MOCK
Subscribe
PRO FOOTBALL MOCK
PRO FOOTBALL MOCK
  • NFL

Roger Goodell Announces He’s Suspending Lance Armstrong Too

  • October 25, 2021
  • admin
Roger Goodell Announces He's Suspending Lance Armstrong Too
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0
“This here’s my suspendin’ pen. I call her ‘Old Betsy.’ Now stand back and watch me rock!”

One day after superstar cyclist Lance Armstrong was banned from professional cycling by the USADA and saw his seven Tour de France titles rescinded, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced that he too was suspending Armstrong permanently from all NFL games and other league functions.

“Lance Armstrong’s shameful actions are a disappointment to the entire sporting world, and I’m sorry to say that he has no place here in the NFL,” Goodell said at a hastily called press conference. “We regret to inform Mr. Armstrong that he will not only be barred from playing in any NFL games from this point forward, he may not practice or otherwise associate with any league team without my office’s express written consent.”

Many journalists have questioned Goodell’s jurisdiction over the world-renowned cyclist, while others have expressed skepticism as to the relevancy of such an order, given that Armstrong has, by most accounts, never been to an NFL game in his life, much less played in one.

“Roger Who, now?”

“I think Roger was just feeling a little left out,” said a source close to Goodell. “Suspending star athletes, making headlines by handing down harsh penalties. That’s kind of his thing, you know?”

“He may have thought his territory was being violated. I heard him say something like, ‘Oh, so they think they can suspend the world’s most well-known bicycle guy, or whatever, and leave me out of it? Well I am definitely getting a piece of this action. Yeah, it’s time I got to suspending, while the suspending’s good.’”

When asked if Armstrong was eligible for reinstatement to the league, Goodell replied, “He can try, but it’s unlikely. I’ve never changed my mind about lifting the suspensions of Pete Rose or Chris Washburn, so I don’t see any reason to start now.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
admin

Previous Article
REDSKINS 9
  • NFL

BATTLE OF THE BOARDS: SEAHAWKS-REDSKINS

  • October 25, 2021
  • admin
View Post
Next Article
  • Blog

Malibu Barbie Creeped Out Being On Same Shelf As Roethlisberger Doll

  • October 25, 2021
  • admin
View Post
You May Also Like
View Post
  • NFL

Jeff George Deserves To Be In NFL Hall Of Fame, Says Nobody

  • admin
  • December 6, 2021
PFM EXTRA
View Post
  • NFL

PFM EXTRA: NFL Stars As “Simpsons” Characters

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
Aaron Rodgers
View Post
  • NFL

Aaron Rodgers Has Date At Same Time As Game, Will Run Between Them

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
NFL Christmas Songs Part 1
View Post
  • NFL

NFL Christmas Songs Part 1

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
Rob Gronkowski Fined For Wearing Illegal Beer Helmet
View Post
  • NFL

Rob Gronkowski Fined For Wearing Illegal Beer Helmet

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
Troubled Prospect Hires Cop to Chase Him During 40 at NFL Combine
View Post
  • NFL

Troubled Prospect Hires Cop To Chase Him During 40 At NFL Combine

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
View Post
  • NFL

REPORT: Mark Sanchez Something Something “Butt-Fumble” Something Something Easy Joke

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
Raiders 2013 Highlights Video
View Post
  • NFL

Raiders “2013 Highlights Video” To Be Marketed Exclusively To Broncos, Chargers, Chiefs Fans

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Posts

  • Lovie Smith Pretends To Be Listening To Headset To Avoid Jay Cutler
  • Bears Offensive Lineman Committing Too Many False Starts, Reports Girlfriend
  • Jeff George Deserves To Be In NFL Hall Of Fame, Says Nobody
  • Puppy Adopted By Michael Vick: “Goddammit”
  • Argentina Offers Tony Romo $10 Million To Cheer For Brazil In World Cup Soccer
PRO FOOTBALL MOCK
Copyright © 2021 | All rights reserved

Input your search keywords and press Enter.