NEW YORK – After upsetting the heavily favored New Orleans Saints 26-20 Sunday, a jubilant Rex Ryan was unable to hide a massive erection during his post game press conference, disgusted sources confirmed earlier today.
“Hell of a win, eh?” bellowed the clearly aroused coach, his hands placed on his hips as his pelvis jutted noticeably forward. “I’m proud of all my guys, and I tell ya, I am just SOÂ excited by the way we played today. It’s like, like this huge rush of joy and ecstasy that’s building and building inside of me. I feel so happy, I could damn near explode!”
“Oh, and hey, sorry about the podium being out for repairs this week,” added the blatantly tumescent Ryan. “But that just means you all get to feast your eyes on my full state of elation.”
The 5-4 Jets, relying on a big play defense and a stout rushing attack, shocked the 6-2 Saints and improved Ryan’s record to 5-0 against his twin brother, New Orleans defensive coordinator Rob Ryan.
“Oh man, it feels so great beating Rob again,” gushed Ryan. “And proving my doubters wrong, winning with a rookie QB, and making a big playoff push? Well, that just makes me wanna stand straight up and spit.”
“And now, get ready boys and girls. ‘Cause I’m about to show all of you what a big ol’ excited Woody looks like,” concluded Ryan, as nervous reporters shrieked and covered their eyes. The panic in the room turned to relief as Ryan brought out Jets owner Woody Johnson to deliver his own set of post-game comments, only to revert back to disgust when it became clear the 66-year old Johnson was sporting an enormous erection of his own.