DENVER – QB Peyton Manning, whose 6-2 Broncos take on the 0-8 Raiders in an AFC West showdown this Sunday at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum, described the upcoming game as, “a real challenge for us, and one that we know we certainly can’t take lightly,” while making dismissive wanking motions with his hand, according to sources on the scene.
“Oh yeah, sure, the Raiders are much better than their record indicates,” said Manning as he rolled his eyes in an exaggerated motion. “This is going to be a hard-fought contest that will test us to our very limits, and will require us to be at our very, very best if we’re to have any chance at all of coming away with a victory against those mighty warriors.”
Despite losing 43-21 to the Patriots this past Sunday, Manning’s Broncos rank in the top 5 of the NFL in scoring, passing yardage, and total offense. Yet Manning insists that he expects nothing less than a grueling test when the two bitter rivals clash this weekend.
“Regardless of what their record is, I know the Raiders play hard on every single snap,” Manning said, while continuing to move his fist up and down in a masturbatory pantomime. “We’re really going to have to be at the top of our game if we hope to have a prayer of coming out on top of this one. I mean, sure, they rank in the bottom third of the league in pass defense and their eight sacks are second to last among all teams. But still, we know it’s going to be a battle, and those guys are going to give us all that we can handle for a full sixty minutes out there.”
Added Manning, after a lengthy pause: “…Not.”
