“Do you really have to draw those pictures of me getting disemboweled by Ray Lewis? I’m standing right here, you know.”
As Sunday’s AFC East showdown for first place in the division looms, the New England Patriots are unsure which New York Jet QB they’re likely to face: the one who can’t throw, or that other one who can’t throw.
“It makes your game prep that much harder,” said New England coach Bill Belichick, “Each of their QBs bring a different style of ineptitude to the offense, and you want to be equally prepared for either form of awfulness. But there’s only so much practice time in the day, and that’s part of the challenge.”
Jets coach Rex Ryan remained predictably vague about which crappy QB he’d be playing, saying, “That will be a game time decision. We’ll see who passes look less wobbly during warm ups, and who can get the ball relatively closest to the guy we think they’re throwing it to. Heck, don’t rule out the possibility that you’ll see both those guys during the course of the game. I guess the Pats will have some extra things to focus on during film study this week, eh?”
“This is all part of the chess match played between coaches,” said NY Post Jets beat writer Brian Costello. “It’s Ryan saying to Belichick, ‘Hey, I’ve got these two quarterbacks, and neither one of them can throw a football with any degree of skill or accuracy, so now you’ll just have to guess which one you’ll be intercepting passes from this Sunday.’”
Jets fans have been divided most of the year, as many supporters have called for the newer of the terrible quarterbacks to be inserted as the team’s starter, while others have defended the incumbent bumbling signal caller.
“We like the new guy that can’t throw,” said Jets season ticket holders Edward and Jenna Stanhope of Long Island. “He was brought here to shake things up, and we think it’s time to give him and his scatter-arm a chance.”
“But the old terrible QB is the one who happened to be playing back when we went to those title games, remember?” said Brooklyn’s Miguel Suarez. His awful play has been part of this team’s fabric for years, and I see no reason to change it now.”