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ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Seahawks Fans Won’t Shut Up About Their Five Super Bowl Victories

SEATTLE – Just two days before their teams square off in the NFC Championship game, the trash talking between fans of the Seattle Seahawks and San Francisco 49ers has reached…

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Football

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE UPDATE: Dwight Clark, Joe Montana Still Regret “The Catch That Almost Was”

This year marks the thirtieth anniversary of the 1982 NFC Championship Game between San Francisco and Dallas, and several former members of that 49ers squad gathered recently to reminisce about…

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“The Raiders Are Going To Dominate The AFC This Year” Says Absolutely No One

Oh man. I can’t believe it. Football season is almost here. I am just so excited. I’m telling you, the Raiders are going to absolutely dominate the AFC this year!…

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Football

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE UPDATE: Vikings Still Laugh About That Time They Almost Traded For Herschel Walker

On the twentieth anniversary of the team’s first Super Bowl victory, members of the Minnesota Vikings 1990s dynasty looked back on the infamous “Trade-That-Almost -Was:” a proposed blockbuster deal that…

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Football

“Ah, Tony Romo, My Old Friend, We Meet Again,” by The Month of December

COWBOYS TONY ROMO Weaing wool cap for December weather blue jersey

Ah Tony Romo. Greetings to you, my old friend. Has it really been 12 months already since last you felt my wintery chill? Well, here we are again. You, with…

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Football

Aaron Rodgers Reports To Packers Training Camp 150 lbs. Overweight

DE PERE, WI – Aaron Rodgers shocked Packers players and coaches when the superstar QB weighed in for training camp today at 375 pounds, a full 150 pounds over his…

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Football

49ers Offer Terrell Owens Ceremonial One Day Contract; Owens Criticizes QB, Insults Coach, Plans Holdout

San Francisco 49ers management announced on Friday the team’s intention to sign free agent WR Terrell Owens to a ceremonial one-day contract. But upon seeing the terms of the deal,…

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Football

“Raiders Game Will Be A Real Challenge For Us,” Says Peyton Manning While Making Wanking Motions With Hand

DENVER – QB Peyton Manning, whose 6-2 Broncos take on the 0-8 Raiders in an AFC West showdown this Sunday at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum, described the upcoming game as, “a…

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Football

“Calvin Johnson is Gettin’ Laid Tonight,” Says Calvin Johnson

DETROIT – After powering the Lions to a 31-30 victory over the Dallas Cowboys by catching 14 passes for 329 yards, Lions WR Calvin Johnson Jr. loudly announced to everyone…

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Football

ALT UNIVERSE: Jerry Jones Refuses To Answer Reporters Questions

Jerry Jones, the notoriously media-shy Dallas Cowboys owner, once again refused to answer reporters’ questions concerning his teams’ struggles, stating, “Sorry guys, I prefer to let my football guys handle…

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