DE PERE, WI – Coaches and players of the Green Bay Packers, horrified by an appearance that was described as, “a powerfully pumped up torso held up by a couple of trembling pixie sticks,” have begun to suspect that OLB Clay Matthews may have been skipping his “leg day” workouts during off-season training sessions, according to snickering witnesses on the scene earlier today.
“Yeah I’m pretty sure that Clay’s been ignoring his calves and thighs,” said nose tackle B.J. Raji. “When he first showed up at training camp, I was like, ‘What the hell happened to you man? Your legs look like two cardboard paper towel rolls with sneakers glued on the ends.’ It’s pretty gross.”
“It’s a mistake plenty of weight trainers make,” said fitness expert Cole Boyce. “They focus so much on the biceps, pecs, lats and abs, the so-called ‘glamour muscles,’ that they completely forget the importance of lower body training. Consequently, you end up with a physique that’s half Dwayne Johnson, half Justin Beiber, as seems to be the case with Mr. Matthews here.”
Added Boyce: “When we in the fitness biz say we want you to develop a ‘triangular’ shape to your body, this is not what we mean.”
Packers officials are reportedly hard at work developing a plan to return muscle mass to Matthews’ lower extremities.
“I’ve put Clay on a strict muscle-building regimen,” said head coach Mike McCarthy. “He has to run three laps every time (outside linebacker) A.J. Hawk misses a tackle in practice. Trust me, we’ll have those legs rippling and bulging in no time.”
