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NFL Christmas Songs Part 1

  • October 26, 2021
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NFL Christmas Songs Part 1
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This was sent out by the San Francisco 49ers in December 2010. Notice how most players try, and fail miserably, to sing. Then at :29, Patrick Willis pretty much says, “fuck it, I’m an all-star. I’m gonna half read/half rap this mother.”

This is from, we think, 1985. At the time, Dallas had only won three Super Bowls, so the fact that their true love gave them “five Super Bowl rings,” was pretty presumptuous, but darned if they didn’t go on to win three more championships in the 90s to justify the gift.

Director: “Coach Landry, you’re an NFL icon. We don’t want you to do anything embarrassing. So just shake your head, like you can’t believe this crazy song your players are singing. Good. Now do it 58 more times, ‘kay?”

Also, we dare you not to become mesmerized by Danny White’s hypno-eye. We DARE you.

Do you like holiday songs, performed by a bunch of lumbering goons with no musical talent? Then check out Twisted Sister’s “Oh Come All Ye Faithful.” But also listen to this Pittsburgh Steelers medley of Christmas classics.

No, we’re just kidding. Truth is, these Steelers seem to know the real secret to singing badly which is, just embrace it and belt it out as loud and off-key as you want. That’s WAY better than the embarrassing mumble that we’ve performed on way too many “Happy Birthdays.”

At 1:57, James Harrison appears with a bank-robber style mask, and snarls into camera that I better watch out and also that I better not cry. And now I’m terrified about what he’ll do to me if I don’t watch out or, God help me, if I cry.

A fun, fan-made song to the tune of “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,” made last year as a tribute to Houston’s unlikely starting QB, T.J. Yates. It’s a fun, well put-together tune. Â But we have to question the lyric “T.J the third string quarterback…” Why “quarterback,” and not “Texan?” RESPECT THE METER.

From 2009. Right off the bat, the song goes off the rails when the team can’t get their snaps in rhythm. That’s the sign of an undisciplined team. I blame the coaching staff.

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