DETROIT – After being assessed a $100,000 fine by the NFL following yet another personal foul penalty, controversial Lions DT Ndamukong Suh answered questions about his perceived dirty style of play with a sharp kick to the groin of Detroit Free Press reporter Dave Birkett, it was reported late Tuesday.
“Ndamukong, do you feel that the fine imposed upon you by the league after your low block on Vikings center John Sullivan this past Sunday is excessive, and if so what do you say to your critics who OWWWWWWWWWWW,” said Birkett, 32, after being struck forcefully in the crotch by Suh’s size 18 cleat. Birkett then crumpled to the floor and writhed in pain while emitting a series of high pitched whimpers.
“Anyone else got a question?” asked Suh of the remaining reporters, who shook their heads in unison and immediately scurried off to Calvin Johnson’s locker.
Suh, 26, is perceived by many of his fellow players as a cheap shot artist. He famously stomped on the arm of Packers OL Evan Dietrich-Smith during a Thanksgiving game in 2011, then again on Thanksgiving of 2012 he was flagged for kicking Texans QB Matt Schaub in the groin. Tuesday’s $100,000 fine, one of the largest in NFL history for an on-field infraction, marks the sixth time on his career that Suh has been penalized by the league.
Given his violent history and unsavory reputation, one can only conclude that Suh is a sociopathic menace, and this reporter hereby calls on the NFL to ban him from the league permanently, effective immediately, before he attacks any more unsuspecting… hey, how did you get in here? Ndamukong, for god’s sake, no, stay away! I was just kidding! I’ll retract it I swear! Please don’t AUUUUGHHHH