Hey Colin. Coach Harbaugh here.
‘SUP COACH H?!
Just checking in with you. Training camp starts this week. Wanted to be sure you’re ready.
HELL YEAH I’M READY! CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE NEW GUYS IN ACTION!
I couldn’t agree more. I’m glad you’re so excited about Anquan Boldin, Nnamdi Asomugha, and Eric Reid.
They’re all new players on our team. I assumed that’s who you meant when you said…
HELL NAW. I’M TALKING ‘BOUT MIKE WALLACE, DANNELL ELLERBEE, AND DION JORDAN!
Those are all players on the Miami Dolphins.
DAMN RIGHT THEY ARE!
DOLPHINS GONNA RULE THE NFL THIS YEAR! WHOOOOO!!!!
This is actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Colin.
A couple of weeks ago, you were photographed wearing a Miami Dolphins cap in public:
YOU SAW THAT HUH? SURE WAS ONE SWEET LID, AMIRITE?
Yes, well, that picture made a lot of fans upset. You can understand why, can’t you?
‘Cause it had the old Dolphins logo instead of the new one?
I don’t blame them for being pissed. That new logo is TIGHT.
It has more to do with the fact that you’re wearing Miami gear when you’re supposed to be a loyal member of the 49ers.
Hey, don’t worry coach. I’m gonna have a great season and get you back to the Super Bowl. And this time San Fran’s gonna win!
Thank you. That’s good to hear.
Unless San Fran’s playing the Dolphins, that is.
Are… are you saying that if we played the Dolphins in the Super Bowl, that you would intentionally throw the game?
NO! I would never do that.
I’m saying that if San Fran plays the Dolphins in the Super Bowl, I’ll need to take that day off.
You know. As a personal day. So I can stay home and watch my favorite team in the Super Bowl. GOOOO FINSSSSSS!!!!
IT IS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE FOR YOU TO SKIP THE SUPER… You know what? I’m not going to worry about this. It’s a moot point.
I like our chances to win a title this year, but I HIGHLY doubt the Dolphins will make the playoffs, much less the Super Bowl.
Oh, so you a hater, huh? WELL JUST YOU WATCH! WE’RE GONNA PROVE ALL YOU DOUBTERS WRONG THIS YEAR! GO FINS, WHOOOOO!!!
I can’t help but notice that you keep saying “San Fran” when you refer to our team, and “we” when you talk about the Dolphins.
Do I? Huh.
Well, that’s just human nature I guess. When you give something 100% of your total devotion, you naturally feel like you’re a part of it.
Anyway, you must be excited about San Fran’s training camp. Huh?
Not as much as I was before I started this conversation.
Hey, don’t sweat it. Me and Michael Crabtree are gonna kick ass this year.
Michael Crabtree tore his achilles tendon and is out for half the season.
Really? Oh snap. That must be a bummer for you.
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT OUR #1 WR SUFFERED A CRUCIAL LEG INJURY?
Eh, I don’t really follow the Niners during the offseason.
His injury happened during OTAs. You were, like, 25 feet away at the time.
Oh, is THAT why he was on the ground crying? I thought maybe he was just sad that the Dolphins didn’t re-sign Reggie Bush.
WHY WOULD MICHAEL CRABTREE CARE ABOUT ABOUT THAT? HE HAPPENS TO BE A LOYAL 49ER!
For now, maybe. But I’ve been trying to convert him. Showing him old ‘Fins highlight tapes. That kind of thing.
YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE OUR STAR RECEIVER ROOT FOR ANOTHER TEAM?
Not just him I’ve been trying to convince the entire starting lineup to root for Miami.
UNACCEPTABLE! HOW CAN YOU DO THAT?
Easy. I’m organizing a group trip for the whole team during week 2 to see the Fins take on the Colts.
WE’RE PLAYING THE SEAHAWKS THAT WEEK.
Nuh-uh. I have the schedule right here. It says: “Sept. 15th. Miami vs. Indianapolis.”
Oh wait. You’re talking about the San Francisco 49ers, aren’t you?
Geez, you sure do obsess on that team a lot.
YOU CANNOT TAKE MY STARTERS ON A FIELD TRIP DURING WEEK 2! WE NEED TO BEAT THE SEAHAWKS!
Hey, how come it’s okay for you to say “we” when you talk about YOUR favorite team, but you get pissed at me for doing it?
BECAUSE I WORK FOR THE 49ERS! AS DO YOU, I MIGHT ADD!
This is NOT the way a rising young QB should behave!
Hey, you wanna talk rising young QB, let’s talk Ryan Tannehill.
No, let’s not.
RYAN TANNEHILL IS THE BEST YOUNG QB IN THE NFL! HE”S TAKING US ALL THE WAY BABY!
Trust me, I’m starting to wish I had him on my team.
GO FINS! WHOOO!!!!!