Hi, is this Michelle Ryan? Wife of Jets coach Rex Ryan?
Yes it is. Who are you?
Hi Michelle. I’m Linda Holliday, Bill Belichick’s girlfriend.
Oh hi Linda. How are you?
I’m good. Listen, I wanted to reach out to you because Bill’s Patriots are playing your husband’s Jets this week.
Oh yes, I’m well aware.
And despite any bad feelings that exist between our fellas, I want to wish you good luck.
Well aren’t you sweet? Thank you so much. And best of luck to you too.
So has Rex mentioned any, um, specific plans he has for the game?
You know. Some new trick play or formation?
Did Bill ask you to try and steal Rex’s game plan from me via text?
NO, NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT. This is just, you know, girl talk.
But if you did have any info on Rex’s plans, the least you could do is pass it along.
The “least I could do?” For what?
That time the Jets accused the Pats of stealing their signals
Rex wasn’t even with the Jets then.
And the Patriots WERE stealing the Jets’ signals!
Oh come on. Every team does that. Your husband’s team was just being whiny little babies.
No, every team does NOT do that, and your boyfriend was being a scummy little cheater.
JUST BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND CAN’T WIN A SUPER BOWL DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO CALL MY MAN A CHEATER!
JUST BECAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A GRUMPY, LOWDOWN THIEF DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO INSULT MY MAN’S RECORD!
YOUR HUSBAND IS A FOOT-FETISH FREAK!
YOUR BOYFRIEND DUMPED HIS WIFE OF 30 YEARS FOR A BIG-TITTED TROPHY GIRLFRIEND LIKE YOU!
I WILL RIP OUT YOUR BLONDE HAIR BY THE BRUNETTE ROOTS YOU MISERABLE MANHATTAN WENCH!
COME AT ME, YOU BOSTON BAKED BITCH!
Michelle, I’m… I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.
No Linda, I’m the one who should apologize for flying off the handle like that.
I’m just fiercely protective of my Bill. He’s a good man, a tender lover, and a great coach.
I understand. My Rex is a wonderful husband and caring father who’s also hung like a bull moose.
Well, I apologize for being rude. Forgive me?
(reaches out, gently touches your arm)
Of course, sweetie.
(caresses your cheek softly)
Mmm. That’s nice.
(runs hand slowly through your hair)
Ohhh. I like when you do that.
(Moves close to you. I feel your warm breath mixing with mine.)
(reaches behind you to trace my finger slowly down your back)
(my hands travel down your firm hips, and wrap themselves around your tight bottom)
Oh my god, yes. Touch me there. It feels so good.
(I pull your body tightly against mine.)
(I feel your chest heaving, your heart pounding)
(My smoldering blue eyes gaze deeply into yours)
(I tilt my head, and lean my face towards you. My trembling lips draw closer, ever closer…)
Why’d you stop, baby?
Rex Ryan’s wife has green eyes.
You said your “smoldering blue eyes” were gazing deeply into mine. But Rex Ryan’s wife has GREEN eyes.
I mean, I do?
Rex, this is you, isn’t it?
Um. Yeah. It’s me.
So… we’re never talking about this ever again, right?
That’d probably be for the best, yeah.
Okay. But Bill?
Do you want to… you know… finish?
Right, right. Me neither. I was just checking.