NEW ORLEANS – Despite being a full 33 years old, Giants QB Eli Manning, was once again forced to sit at the “kids’ table” while attending Thanksgiving dinner with his family at his parents’ Louisiana home, marking the 30th straight year the two-time Super Bowl MVP has been forced to endure such an indignity, according to local sources.
“Mom! Tell Mosley to stop hitting me,” Manning reportedly exclaimed during the meal, while pointing to his niece, the youngest daughter of brother Peyton Manning. “She keeps slapping me on the arm on account of she wants a sip of my juice box, even though I told her it’s mine, and that she needs to get her own, but she’s not listening, and so she keeps hitting me, so you havta tell her stop okay?”
Added Manning: “Mooooooommmmm! Tell her!”
According to Manning’s mother Olivia, wife of former Saints superstar Archie Manning, the family has considered numerous times allowing the three time Pro Bowler to join the rest of the adults at the “grown-up” table, but has decided against it every year thus far.
“Honestly, having Eli sit with us would just be more trouble than it’s worth,” said the family matriarch. “Every year I have to make him his own special bowl of stuffing, because he doesn’t like the celery pieces. He insists on playing with his food, which would be a constant distraction for the rest of us. And this way we can all talk about the newest episode of ‘Modern Family,’ without having to spell out S-E-X.”
According to reports, Manning is unfazed by his yearly seating assignment.
“No, it’s cool, I don’t mind,” he said while finishing his vegetables in order to be allowed a piece of pie. “Me and Mosley and Matthew and Heib can talk about Spiderman and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and neat stuff like that. The only part I don’t like is that whenever my Mom and Dad aren’t looking, Peyton and Cooper keep throwing biscuits at me. And I try to them back, but the dog keeps intercepting them.”
