One day after throwing five interceptions in a 23-13 loss to the arch rival Atlanta Falcons that almost certainly doomed his team’s playoff chances, Â Saints QB Drew Brees revealed Friday that he is inflicted with a rare disease that causes him to throw multiple interceptions when exposed to eggs or egg-based products.
“No, keep them away,” hissed Brees. “THE YOLK, IT BURNS!”
“For years, I’ve suffered silently from the devastating effects of Ovaceptabeeties,” Brees said at a press conference, flanked by his wife Brittney, and Saints interim coach Joe Vitt. “But today I can stay silent no longer. I speak up now, not for me, but for the literally dozens of quarterbacks worldwide who also struggle with this awful condition. I’m here to tell all of you, that there is hope. Â It gets better.”
The Saints’ team bus was pelted with eggs Wednesday evening by Atlanta airport workers, and while most players were outraged at the disrespectful gesture, Brees knew the consequences were much more severe.
“Who hasn’t had a pick yet? You, #56? ‘Kay, here ya go.”
“As soon as I had those eggs splattering against the side of the bus, I knew I was in trouble. I have stage 3 Ovaceptabeeties, which means that I don’t even need to come into direct contact with the eggs. Just the residue that the yolks left in the air were enough to disrupt my throwing rhythm.”
In a related story, Tony Romo, Michael Vick, Brandon Weeden and Mark Sanchez have all begun to question the wisdom of their regular Sunday morning three-egg omelette breakfasts on game days.