INDIANAPOLIS – In an emotional ceremony preceding their Sunday night game, the Indianapolis Colts honored former QB Peyton Manning by presenting him with a complimentary stadium beer that, according to sources, smelled suspiciously of the powerful sedative Rohypnol, more commonly known as “roofies.”
“We are here to pay tribute to one of the greatest players in Colts history,” said team president Jim Irsay from a stage at midfield where he was joined by Manning shortly before kickoff. “Peyton, all of us here in this stadium treasure the memory of your time in Indianapolis. And as we prepare to watch your 6-0 Broncos take on our Colts in a game that, frankly, we desperately need to win if we’re going to keep our hopes alive for a first round playoff bye, we’d like to present you with this small token of our esteem: a 16 ounce cup of icy-cold Bud Light for you to enjoy before taking the field.”
Added Irsay: “C’mon drink up. You’re gonna want to finish all of that in order to get the full effect. Of, you know, our esteem.”
Manning, 37, played for the Colts from 1998-2011, leading the franchise to eleven playoff berths and a victory in Super Bowl XLI. Now in his second season with Denver, Manning is having one of his finest seasons to date, and his Broncos are seen as virtually unbeatable by many observers.
“Peyton, I wish you and your team the best of luck in tonight’s game,” concluded Irsay as he took the empty cup back from Manning and shook the slightly dizzy signal-caller’s hand. “And if, in the next 10-15 minutes or so, you happen to find yourself feeling woozy from all the love and gratitude in this stadium, don’t be afraid to stretch out for a nap. There’s a nice, cozy cot set up on the visitors sideline just for you.”