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Lovie Smith Pretends To Be Listening To Headset To Avoid Jay Cutler

Lovie Smith, head coach of the Chicago Bears, pretended to be having a conversation via his radio headset with defensive coordinator upstairs in the coaches’ booth Sunday afternoon, rather than…

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Bears Offensive Lineman Committing Too Many False Starts, Reports Girlfriend

Chicago Bears OT J’Marcus Webb has recently been prone to unfortunate false starts, reports Webb’s longtime girlfriend Angela Baker. “The false starts, they’re just a problem that he’s been having…

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Puppy Adopted By Michael Vick: “Goddammit”

Upon learning that she was being adopted from the Philadelphia Animal Welfare Society by Eagles QB Michael Vick, Muffin, a 12 week old poodle puppy, buried her adorable little nose…

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Vladimir Putin: “I Vill NEVER Give Back Your Super Bowl Ring, Robert Kraft!”

So Robert Kraft, I see you are whining like leetle babooshka to your pathetic American media about how I stole your precious diamond ring from, how you say, the Bowl…

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Jay Cutler Rolls Eyes, Checks Watch, Sighs Loudly During Visit To Middle School

EDISON PARK, IL – As part of a team-mandated community outreach program, Bears QB Jay Cutler spent one hour this morning visiting with students at Ebinger Elementary School, during which…

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Christian Ponder Thinking Today May Not Be Best Time To Demand Raise From Vikings

MINNEAPOLIS – Vikings QB Christian Ponder, who threw two interceptions and completed a mere 50% of his passes in a 42-10 drubbing at the hands of the Green Bay Packers…

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CHART: Where Do Dallas Cowboy Fans Live?

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Colts Honor Peyton Manning Before Game With Free Drink That Smells Suspiciously of Roofies

INDIANAPOLIS – In an emotional ceremony preceding their Sunday night game, the Indianapolis Colts honored former QB Peyton Manning by presenting him with a complimentary stadium beer that, according to…

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Doctors Fear Roethlisberger Injury Will Make Him Hang Out With Them

Pittsburgh Steelers team doctors are concerned that the shoulder injury suffered by quarterback Ben Rothlisberger during Monday night’s game against the Chiefs may cause him to start spending significant time…

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Dr. James Andrews Confirms Rob Gronkowski’s Knee Injury Is, “Totally Gross”

BOSTON – World renowned orthopedic surgeon Dr. James Andrews, during a visit to Patriots headquarters to examine the right knee of TE Rob Gronkowski, described the damaged joint as, “really,…

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