NASHVILLE, TN – For decades, tales of legendary creatures such as Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and the Abominable Snowman have captured the imaginations of believers and doubters alike around the world. Now, a new urban legend has emerged, a seemingly unbelievable tale of a football team known as the “Tennessee Titans” that supposedly competes in the NFL’s American Football Conference, and despite a total lack of evidence to support these wild claims, a handful of eyewitnesses have emerged to claim first hand visual sightings of the mysterious, fabled squad.
“I know the legends are true because I saw the Titans with my own two eyes,” said Beaumont TX resident Billy Hickson, 38. “My buddy and I were driving cross country a couple Sundays ago, and we stopped at this big open air, stadium-type building up in Nashville, because we’d heard a bunch of the Houston Texans might be there. And that’s where we saw these ‘Titans,’ plain as day, wearing bright white jerseys with powder blue shoulders and weird, “flaming thumbtack” logos on their helmets. I tried to sneak up to get a picture, but they ran into the locker rooms before I could get close. I think they were more afraid of us than we were of them, though the J.J. Watt jersey I was wearing may have had something to do with that.”
“Yes, I’m a ‘Titan Truther,’ added Tamara Coolidge, 33. “For me, it’s not about proof. It’s about faith, and what I feel to be true in my heart. So you can laugh at me all you want, but I truly believe that the Titans do exist, and that they’re out there, somewhere, being broadcast to 3, maybe 4% of the nation each Sunday.”
However, disbelievers in the stories point to the lack of tangible evidence of such a team as evidence of the franchise’s nonexistence.
“These claims about a professional football team called the ‘Tennessee Titans’ are nothing but a bunch of made-up myths by the mainstream sports media,” said Carl Osborn, 38, of Brooklyn, NY. “If such a team existed, don’t you think that I, as a diehard NFL would have heard of them by now? Or be able to name at least one of their players or coaches? Or at least have seen them on television every now and then? Please. If you actually believe these crazy Titans tall tales, then I’ve got a Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl ring to sell you.”