PRO FOOTBALL MOCK
Subscribe
PRO FOOTBALL MOCK
PRO FOOTBALL MOCK
  • NFL

Marshawn Lynch: “BEAST MODE NOT REPORTING TO TRAINING CAMP WITHOUT FINANCIAL SECURITY OFFERED BY NEW LONG-TERM CONTRACT, MOTHERFUCKERS”

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

BEAST MODE MOTHERFUCKERS!

WELL IT THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN. TRAINING CAMP. BEAST MODE GREATLY ENJOYED PLEASANT SUMMER. BEAST MODE SPENT RELAXING TIME IN VEGETABLE GARDEN DEVELOPING CAULIFLOWER/SKITTLE HYBRID PLANT, AND ALSO BINGE WATCHING ALL FOUR SEASONS OF “DOWNTON ABBEY.” BUT NOW IT TIME FOR BEAST MODE TO PUT AWAY RELAXING SUMMER THINGS, AND GET BACK TO IMPORTANT BUSINESS OF FLATTENING PUNY DEFENSIVE PLAYERS ON FOOTBALL FIELD.

NOW SEATTLE SEAHAWKS PROBABLY THINKING THEY ALL SET FOR NEW N-F-L SEASON. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS ALSO PROBABLY THINKING THEY CAN EASILY RETURN TO BOWL OF SUPER BOWL BY RIDING ON TOP OF BEAST MODE’S MUSCULAR, UNDERPAID BACK.

WELL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS SHOULD BE THINKING AGAIN. BECAUSE BEAST MODE WILL NOT REPORT TO SEATTLE SEAHAWKS TRAINING CAMP WITHOUT FINANCIAL SECURITY OFFERED BY NEW LONG-TERM CONTRACT, MOTHERFUCKERS.

OH, DON’T GET BEAST MODE WRONG. BEAST MODE LOVE TRAINING CAMP. NOTHING MAKES BEAST MODE HAPPIER THAN FLATTENING PUNY DEFENSIVE PLAYERS. AND BEAST MODE NOT CARE IF BEAST MODE FLATTENS PUNY 49ERS DEFENSIVE PLAYERS, PUNY SAINTS DEFENSIVE PLAYERS, OR EVEN PUNY SEAHAWKS DEFENSIVE PLAYERS DURING SEATTLE SEAHAWKS PRACTICE. BEAST MODE SIMPLY LOVES GOING BEAST MODE, AND WHICH PARTICULAR PLAYER BEAST MODE GO BEAST MODE ON IS ENTIRELY IRRELEVANT.

BUT BEAST MODE ALSO REALISTIC ABOUT LIFESPAN OF AVERAGE NFL R-B. BEAST MODE KNOW THAT MAJORITY OF NFL R-Bs CONSIDERED WASHED UP BY AGE 30. AND SINCE BEAST MODE QUICKLY APPROACHING AGE 29, BEAST MODE KNOW BEAST MODE MUST MAXIMIZE EARNING POTENTIAL NOW WHILE HE STILL CAN, MOTHERFUCKERS.

BUT SEATTLE SEAHAWKS SAY THEY NOT WANT TO PAY BEAST MODE WHAT BEAST MODE CLEARLY WORTH. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS SAY THEY GROOMING BACKUP R-B MICHAEL CHRISTINE AS NEW STARTING R-B TO REPLACE BEAST MODE. HO-HO, HA-HA-HA. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE BEAST MODE LAUGH. MICHAEL CHRISTINE IS R-B WITH GIRLS NAME FOR LAST NAME. NO R-B WITH GIRLS NAME FOR LAST NAME FIT TO CARRY BEAST MODE’S SKITTLE POUCH, MUCH LESS ASSUME BEAST MODE’S ROLE WITH STARTING OFFENSE.

SO IF SEATTLE SEAHAWKS WANT TO THUNDER BACK INTO BOWL OF SUPER BOWL, THEY NEED TO PAY BEAST MODE NOW, BEFORE IT TOO LATE. BEAST MODE AWARE NFL CAREER CANNOT LAST FOREVER. AT SOME POINT, BEAST MODE KNOW HE MUST TRANSITION TO LIFE AFTER FOOTBALL. PERHAPS GET JOB AS PROFESSOR OF LANGUAGE SKILLS AT PROMINENT AMERICAN UNIVERSITY. TEACH PROPER GRAMMAR AND SYNTAX SKILLS TO PUNY COLLEGE STUDENTS. FLATTEN THEIR BRAINS WITH KNOWLEDGE.

BUT FOR TIME BEING, BEAST MODE NEED TO MAXIMIZE EARNING POTENTIAL ON FOOTBALL FIELD. THAT WHY BEAST MODE OFFERING SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VERY GOOD DEAL: EITHER SEATTLE SEAHAWKS MAKE BEAST MODE HIGHEST-PAID R–B IN NFL HISTORY, OR ELSE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS CAN SIMPLY CHOOSE TO PAY BEAST MODE VETERAN MINIMUM SALARY, PLUS $1,000 BONUS FOR EVERY PUNY DEFENSIVE PLAYER BEAST MODE FLATTENS DURING COURSE OF N-F-L SEASON. WITH THAT DEAL, BEAST MODE LIKELY TO BE RICHER THAN MICROSOFT PRESIDENT BILL GRATES BY MID-NOVEMBER AT LATEST, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
admin

Previous Article
  • Football

Falcons Coach Uses Phrase, “Yes, Seriously” 17 Times While Announcing Matt Ryan Contract

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
View Post
Next Article
  • Football

DETROIT LIONS NDAMUKONG SUH NUTCRACKER

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
View Post
You May Also Like
View Post
  • NFL

Jeff George Deserves To Be In NFL Hall Of Fame, Says Nobody

  • admin
  • December 6, 2021
PFM EXTRA
View Post
  • NFL

PFM EXTRA: NFL Stars As “Simpsons” Characters

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
Aaron Rodgers
View Post
  • NFL

Aaron Rodgers Has Date At Same Time As Game, Will Run Between Them

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
NFL Christmas Songs Part 1
View Post
  • NFL

NFL Christmas Songs Part 1

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
Rob Gronkowski Fined For Wearing Illegal Beer Helmet
View Post
  • NFL

Rob Gronkowski Fined For Wearing Illegal Beer Helmet

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
Troubled Prospect Hires Cop to Chase Him During 40 at NFL Combine
View Post
  • NFL

Troubled Prospect Hires Cop To Chase Him During 40 At NFL Combine

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
View Post
  • NFL

REPORT: Mark Sanchez Something Something “Butt-Fumble” Something Something Easy Joke

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021
Raiders 2013 Highlights Video
View Post
  • NFL

Raiders “2013 Highlights Video” To Be Marketed Exclusively To Broncos, Chargers, Chiefs Fans

  • admin
  • October 26, 2021

Recent Posts

  • Lovie Smith Pretends To Be Listening To Headset To Avoid Jay Cutler
  • Bears Offensive Lineman Committing Too Many False Starts, Reports Girlfriend
  • Jeff George Deserves To Be In NFL Hall Of Fame, Says Nobody
  • Puppy Adopted By Michael Vick: “Goddammit”
  • Argentina Offers Tony Romo $10 Million To Cheer For Brazil In World Cup Soccer
PRO FOOTBALL MOCK
Copyright © 2021 | All rights reserved

Input your search keywords and press Enter.