BEAST MODE MOTHERFUCKERS!
WELL IT THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN. TRAINING CAMP. BEAST MODE GREATLY ENJOYED PLEASANT SUMMER. BEAST MODE SPENT RELAXING TIME IN VEGETABLE GARDEN DEVELOPING CAULIFLOWER/SKITTLE HYBRID PLANT, AND ALSO BINGE WATCHING ALL FOUR SEASONS OF “DOWNTON ABBEY.” BUT NOW IT TIME FOR BEAST MODE TO PUT AWAY RELAXING SUMMER THINGS, AND GET BACK TO IMPORTANT BUSINESS OF FLATTENING PUNY DEFENSIVE PLAYERS ON FOOTBALL FIELD.
NOW SEATTLE SEAHAWKS PROBABLY THINKING THEY ALL SET FOR NEW N-F-L SEASON. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS ALSO PROBABLY THINKING THEY CAN EASILY RETURN TO BOWL OF SUPER BOWL BY RIDING ON TOP OF BEAST MODE’S MUSCULAR, UNDERPAID BACK.
WELL SEATTLE SEAHAWKS SHOULD BE THINKING AGAIN. BECAUSE BEAST MODE WILL NOT REPORT TO SEATTLE SEAHAWKS TRAINING CAMP WITHOUT FINANCIAL SECURITY OFFERED BY NEW LONG-TERM CONTRACT, MOTHERFUCKERS.
OH, DON’T GET BEAST MODE WRONG. BEAST MODE LOVE TRAINING CAMP. NOTHING MAKES BEAST MODE HAPPIER THAN FLATTENING PUNY DEFENSIVE PLAYERS. AND BEAST MODE NOT CARE IF BEAST MODE FLATTENS PUNY 49ERS DEFENSIVE PLAYERS, PUNY SAINTS DEFENSIVE PLAYERS, OR EVEN PUNY SEAHAWKS DEFENSIVE PLAYERS DURING SEATTLE SEAHAWKS PRACTICE. BEAST MODE SIMPLY LOVES GOING BEAST MODE, AND WHICH PARTICULAR PLAYER BEAST MODE GO BEAST MODE ON IS ENTIRELY IRRELEVANT.
BUT BEAST MODE ALSO REALISTIC ABOUT LIFESPAN OF AVERAGE NFL R-B. BEAST MODE KNOW THAT MAJORITY OF NFL R-Bs CONSIDERED WASHED UP BY AGE 30. AND SINCE BEAST MODE QUICKLY APPROACHING AGE 29, BEAST MODE KNOW BEAST MODE MUST MAXIMIZE EARNING POTENTIAL NOW WHILE HE STILL CAN, MOTHERFUCKERS.
BUT SEATTLE SEAHAWKS SAY THEY NOT WANT TO PAY BEAST MODE WHAT BEAST MODE CLEARLY WORTH. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS SAY THEY GROOMING BACKUP R-B MICHAEL CHRISTINE AS NEW STARTING R-B TO REPLACE BEAST MODE. HO-HO, HA-HA-HA. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE BEAST MODE LAUGH. MICHAEL CHRISTINE IS R-B WITH GIRLS NAME FOR LAST NAME. NO R-B WITH GIRLS NAME FOR LAST NAME FIT TO CARRY BEAST MODE’S SKITTLE POUCH, MUCH LESS ASSUME BEAST MODE’S ROLE WITH STARTING OFFENSE.
SO IF SEATTLE SEAHAWKS WANT TO THUNDER BACK INTO BOWL OF SUPER BOWL, THEY NEED TO PAY BEAST MODE NOW, BEFORE IT TOO LATE. BEAST MODE AWARE NFL CAREER CANNOT LAST FOREVER. AT SOME POINT, BEAST MODE KNOW HE MUST TRANSITION TO LIFE AFTER FOOTBALL. PERHAPS GET JOB AS PROFESSOR OF LANGUAGE SKILLS AT PROMINENT AMERICAN UNIVERSITY. TEACH PROPER GRAMMAR AND SYNTAX SKILLS TO PUNY COLLEGE STUDENTS. FLATTEN THEIR BRAINS WITH KNOWLEDGE.
BUT FOR TIME BEING, BEAST MODE NEED TO MAXIMIZE EARNING POTENTIAL ON FOOTBALL FIELD. THAT WHY BEAST MODE OFFERING SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VERY GOOD DEAL: EITHER SEATTLE SEAHAWKS MAKE BEAST MODE HIGHEST-PAID R–B IN NFL HISTORY, OR ELSE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS CAN SIMPLY CHOOSE TO PAY BEAST MODE VETERAN MINIMUM SALARY, PLUS $1,000 BONUS FOR EVERY PUNY DEFENSIVE PLAYER BEAST MODE FLATTENS DURING COURSE OF N-F-L SEASON. WITH THAT DEAL, BEAST MODE LIKELY TO BE RICHER THAN MICROSOFT PRESIDENT BILL GRATES BY MID-NOVEMBER AT LATEST, MOTHERFUCKERS.
