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Football

Tim Tebow Claims God, Not Science, Puts That Yellow First Down Line On TV Screen

Tim Tebow, the devoutly religious backup quarterback for the New York Jets, announced Tuesday his belief that it is the Lord God Almighty, and not any sort of technical scientific…

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Roger Goodell: “The Food In New Orleans Tastes Like It Has Spit In It”

NFL COMMISSIONER ROGER GOODELL EATS HAMBURGER IN NEW ORLEANS

This is it folks: Super Bowl week. And I am PUMPED. It’s gonna be a great game between two fantastic teams. And when it’s done, I’ll hand over a shiny…

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Football

Saints Prepare For Intense Crowd Noise By Inviting 80,000 Seahawks Fans To Practice

NEW ORLEANS – In an effort to simulate the intense crowd noise they are likely to face this weekend at Seattle’s CenturyLink Field, the New Orleans Saints invited nearly 80,000…

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Sales At Buffalo Area Foot Fetish Stores Up 800% This Week For Some Reason

BUFFALO – Owners of several Buffalo-area adult toy stores that cater exclusively to local sexual foot fetishists are unable to explain the explosive 800% increase in sales their erotic shops…

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San Francisco 49ers: “Ray McDonald Has No Place On Our Roster Once We’ve Been Eliminated From The Playoffs”

SAN FRANCISCO – Just hours after news broke that Ray McDonald, already accused of domestic battery earlier this season, was now under investigation from Bay Area Police for new sexual…

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Football

Seahawks Fans To Really Stick it to 49ers By Paying $400 For a Rock

Numerous fans of the Seattle Seahawks, whose fierce hatred of the San Francisco 49ers has grown significantly as both teams have risen to prominence in the NFC, are mounting an…

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Football

Steven Jackson Late For Falcons Camp Due to Having No Gas Left in His Tank

FLOWERY BRANCH, GA – Offseason free agent acquisition Steven Jackson was over two hours late to today’s start of Atlanta Falcons training camp, an absence the tenth year running back…

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Football

Tall Men of America Demand Giants Change “Offensive” Nickname

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ – Loudly chanting “Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum, the Giants name is really dumb,” a contingent from the Brooklyn-based organization known as the Gentlemen Of Overly Normal Stature picketed outside Metlife…

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Roger Goodell: “I’m Proud To Announce That No NFL Players Have Committed Any Despicable Crimes In, Like, 48 Hours Now”

Well, the first couple of weeks of the 2014 NFL season have been pretty awful, haven’t they folks? The excitement of the games on the field has been overshadowed by…

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Football

Andy Reid Fired

KANSAS CITY – After Sunday night’s humiliating loss in which his team fell 27-17 to the rival Denver Broncos, Chiefs head coach Andy Reid was terminated by Kansas City today,…

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