CLEVELAND – In a crazy, alternate universe that’s completely opposite to our own in every way, Brandon Weeden and the Cleveland Browns defeated the Buffalo Bills to take over sole possession of first place on top of the AFC North, and… wait hang on. This isn’t a joke? Holy crap, they really are?
“What impresses me most about this team is that when it comes time to make the plays to win a game down the stretch, we’ve been able to do that,” is an actual quote said by the actual coach of the Browns, Rob Chudzinski after Thursday night’s victory. And remember, this isn’t some imaginary, mixed-up universe in which this is occurring; this is actually happening, for real, in our actual dimension.
And get this: it wasn’t red-hot QB Brian Hoyer who led the Browns to their third straight victory, (which has to be some kind of franchise record, you would think). No, it was much-maligned second year signal caller Brandon Weeden, forced into the game when Hoyer left with an injured knee, who actually piloted the team with efficient, capable play, even throwing for a touchdown while not tossing a single interception. For real!
“He did a great job, and really got us going” said TE Jordan Cameron of Weeden, in what we assure you is our actual reality and not a parallel universe somewhere. And bear in mind that Cameron, 25, has quickly emerged as one of the top, if not the top, tight end in the league at the moment. And he plays for the Cleveland Browns. IN THIS UNIVERSE.
In conclusion, we’d like to remind you that that has not been PFM’s regularly scheduled update from an alternate universe. However, that will be rectified later today when PFM will bring you a report from a far-off, opposite dimension where the New York Giants, Pittsburgh Steelers, Atlanta Falcons, Washington Redskins, Green Bay Packers, and San Francisco 49ers are a combined 5-18 and… hang on, we’ve just been handed a note. WHAT?! NO FUCKING WAY.