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Adrian Peterson Concerned Vikings Playoff Push May Distract Team From Pursuit Of Rushing Record

  • August 3, 2021
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Minnesota RB Adrian Peterson, currently attempting to break Eric Dickerson’s 28 year old single season rushing record, is concerned that the Vikings’ quest to qualify for an NFC wild card berth might interfere with his desire to break Dickerson’s mark, sources confirmed early Monday.

“The coaches are already putting together next week’s game plan for the Texans,” Peterson said Monday from the team’s practice facility. “And they’re talking about where they’re vulnerable on special teams or how we’re going to attack their safeties, and all that garbage. And I’m sitting there going, ‘whoa, whoa, how does any of this concern me?’ All this time we’re wasting focusing on a diversified game plan is time that could be better spent thinking of new ways to get me that record.”

Dickerson’s mark of 2,105 yards, set during an era when the passing game was not yet as emphasized as it is today, has seemed unreachable for years. But Peterson, less than a year removed from major knee surgery, needs just 294 yards in his final two contests to eclipse the mark.

“Here’s what I’m thinking,” Peterson said, while furiously scrawling on a chalkboard. We replace (QB Christian) Ponder with (backup C) Joe Berger. And instead of wide receivers, we line up a couple of pulling guards to the outside. Then, we direct snap the ball to me every play, and the other ten guys all block the (expletive) out of anything that moves. And we do that 40, 50 times a game if necessary.”

“Why is it that I have to think of these strategies?” he added. “Why are my so-called ‘coaches’ focusing on playoff scenarios and useless bullshit like that?”

Peterson bristled at the suggestion that team goals should come before his individual achievements.

“Man, look around this locker room,” he scoffed, gesturing about. “Christian Ponder. Jerome Simpson. Jarius Wright. Those guys are starting for us. Yeah, I never heard of them either. You think we’re going to beat the Falcons or the Niners in the playoffs with a bunch of second-raters like them? Our time would be better served getting me that record. Wins and playoff berths are nice and all, but at the end of the day, what really matters is personal achievements. That’s why we play this game.”

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