Wes Welker Signs With Broncos As Part Of Elaborate Bill Belichick Plot To Steal Denver’s Signals
Longtime Patriot WR Wes Welker signed a two-year, $12 million dollar contract with the Denver Broncos Wednesday as part of a long con being run by New England head coach Bill Belichick designed to steal the Broncos’ offensive hand signals, according to an unnamed source who claimed to have close personal familiarity with the team and its methods.
The source, identified only as “Eric M,” explained Belichick’s reasoning, stating, “You know Bill. He’s always looking for any competitive edge he can exploit. He knew that Denver was looking like the team to beat in the AFC this season. So he cooked up this little scheme as soon as he realized that Welker was an unrestricted free agent. He told Wes to sign a deal with the Broncos, gain their trust, and as soon as he had access to their signals, he was to write them down on a blank sheet of loose leaf paper and leave them in a plain, unmarked envelope at a bus stop near city hall. It’s real deep undercover, Donnie Brasco-level stuff.”
While the source claimed the Belichick’s ruse was also designed to steal the Bronco’s line audible calls and formation shifts, he dismissed the notion that Belichick was planning to have Welker intentionally perform poorly for his new team.
“No, Bill just told Welker to steal information, not to drop passes,” the source stated. “Trust me, after the way Wes flubbed that potential game-winning catch in the Super Bowl last February, Bill has plenty of confidence in him to drop passes all on his own without any outside encouragement.”
- Hobo Sifting Through Seahawks Trash Looks An Awful Lot Like Bill Belichick
- Report: 82% Of Americans Name “Meteor To Hit Stadium” As Team They’re Rooting For In Super Bowl
- Seattle Scientists Teach Koko The Gorilla To Say “Fuck The Patriots” In Sign Language
- INTERCEPTED TEXT: Roger Goodell and Tom Brady Discuss “Deflate-Gate”