Vanilla Ice To Perform At Halftime Of “Puppy Bowl”
SILVER SPRING, MD – 90’s rap star Vanilla Ice, whose hit single “Ice, Ice Baby” topped the Billboard charts nearly 24 years ago, has signed a deal with Animal Planet to perform as the halftime entertainment during this Sunday’s annual Puppy Bowl, the basic cable network announced today.
“All right, stop. Domesticate and listen,” Ice, whose real name is Robert Van Winkle, announced/rapped at a press conference sparsely attended by reporters from Dog Fancy and Penny Saver magazine. “Ice is back and he needs your attention. Sunday, Imma rap for pugs and cock-a-poos, Thank God, because my rent’s past due.”
Added the rapper: “Word to your muzzle.”
“We’re, um, thrilled to have Mr. Ice performing for us at this year’s Puppy Bowl,” said John Tomlin, executive producer of the canine extravaganza. “When I was putting together my wish list of halftime performers, the very first name I thought of was… well, it was Bruce Springsteen. He turned us down. Then I thought of Paul McCartney. He also turned us down. So did Katy Perry, Madonna, Prince, Tears for Fears, and that guy that sang ‘Mambo #5.” It got so bad I thought we might have to cancel the show. Then the night janitor saw me crying and asked me what was wrong. Well, turns out he used to be this rapper guy back in the 90’s, and so here we are.”
“There were a few negotiating points to settle first,” continued Tomlin. “Mr. Ice will be sharing a dressing room with Bowser, a five month old bull mastiff puppy. There was some concerns as to whether or not he’s properly housebroken, but Mr. Ice’s handlers assure me that he is, so Bowser agreed to split the room.”
Van Winkle, whose pop success peaked in late 1990, briefly returned to the nation’s awareness when he performed at halftime of a Houston Texans game during the 2013 NFL season.
“Yo, since the success of ‘Ice, ice baby,’ I’ve had what you might call a ‘lean quarter century,’” said the one-hit wonder. “But my manager told me back in September that playing for the Houston Texans would lead to bigger gigs eventually. And thanks to that exposure, now I’m gonna be on the Puppy Bowl. Thank you Texans!”