Turns Out, Andrew Luck Promised To Throw A Bunch Of Interceptions For Sick Kid

By
Updated: January 12, 2014

INDIANAPOLIS – One day after throwing four interceptions in a season-ending playoff loss to the New England Patriots, Colts QB Andrew Luck revealed that his disastrous performance was the result of a promise he made to a bedridden nine-year old Timmy O’Sullivan at Boston’s Mercy Hospital, in which Luck vowed to commit multiple turnovers against the Patriots to help lift the ailing child’s spirits.

Indianapolis Colts Andrew Luck

 

“I try to visit sick children whenever I can, and do anything possible to help them feel better,” Luck told reporters following the loss. “So yesterday, just before the game, I spent some time with Timmy by his hospital bedside. He looked up at me with these big wet eyes and said, ‘Mister Luck, do you think you could promise me to throw some interceptions tonight against New England for me? If you do, I think I could definitely make it through my surgery.’”

 

“I told him, “’Sure kid, sure. I’ll toss a couple of picks for you.’ But he said, ‘No, no, it has to be at least four! If you swear that you’ll throw four picks, I just know it’ll give me the strength I need to survive my operation.’ The poor little guy looked so scared. So I held his hand in mine and I said, ‘You got it pal. I’m gonna throw four interceptions tonight, just for you.”

 

“It was later on that I discovered that Timmy’s actually a diehard Patriots fan,” continued Luck. “And that his ‘operation’ was just a common procedure to have his tonsils removed. But a promise is a promise.”

 

Meanwhile O’Sullivan, celebrating the Patriots win with a bowl of chocolate ice cream following his routine tonsillectomy, announced plans to meet with the Broncos QB Peyton Manning to ask him to lose at least three fumbles in Sunday’s AFC Championship game, to give the youngster the strength he needs to overcome next weekend’s planned bout of mild constipation.

Leave a Reply

11 Comments

  1. Ben Roethlisberger

    January 17, 2014 at 10:37 am

    BECAUSE ANDREW LUCK THREW A LOT OF INTERCEPTIONS ON SATURDAY, YOU SEE.

  2. Bill Belichick

    January 13, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Even together, your Rebel Alliance will not supplant the greatness of the New Patriots Dynasty / Galactic Empire! For a safe, and secure society!

  3. Darth Anonymous

    January 13, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Hiding is for cowards Belichick. I too look forward until Sunday where my powers will expand further upon the souls of the failed AFC and NFC team.

  4. Bill Belichick

    January 13, 2014 at 10:44 am

    Darth Anonymous, you have tried to hide from me, yet again. But I have found you once more! Prepare to meet your destiny on Sunday – where the Sith will torture and hand over to you … Peyton Manning! Consider your wish granted, Young Timmy!

  5. Sam Bradford

    January 13, 2014 at 10:34 am

    I had a tonsillectomy recently. Turns out that happens when you attach alligator clips to your tonsils and try to jump-start them with electrodes shot through an ejaculating penis into a battery.

  6. Anon

    January 13, 2014 at 6:44 am

    This site did have the most cogent Saints-Seahawks preview when all was said and done:
    BEAST MODE IS ARTIST. PUNY SAINTS DEFENSE MERELY HIS CANVAS.

  7. Ben Roethlisberger

    January 12, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    THIS IS FUNNY BECAUSE ANDREW LUCK IS SO NICE AND POLITE ALL THE TIME.

  8. ChristieFan

    January 12, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    Definitely thought there was going to be some sort of Bellicheck tie-in. As in the kid was working for him or something…

  9. AnonS

    January 12, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    I know the fanboys will shit on me for this, but I just didn’t think this was funny. I’m more looking forward to hearing what Beast Mode thinks tomorrow on the FB convo.

  10. Pingback: What's that smell? Same old Colts - Page 50

  11. Anonymous

    January 12, 2014 at 11:06 am

    Your soul is now mine Luck. Thank you for the sacrifice. When I defeat Belichick I will have my minstrels sing of your sacrifice for the children and the Greater Good.

You must be logged in to post a comment Login