Tim Tebow: “Who Do I Have To Kill To Start A Fucking Game Around Here?”

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Updated: December 28, 2012
"Fuck this shit."

“Fuck this shit.”

This is some fucking BULLSHIT.

 

All year. ALL YEAR I’ve been waiting for a chance to play quarterback for this shitty-ass team.

 

First I have to sit on the sidelines holding that goddamn clipboard for fourteen weeks while that shithead in shoulder pads Mark Sanchez buttfumbled his way through yet another miserable turd of a season. THEN, when that fatass pervert they laughing call our “coach” FINALLY wises up and benches old Broadway Jose, who does he start? Some 3rd string camp body named Greg McElroy. Who, you say? FUCKING EXACTLY.

 

So last week, I had to sit there on the sideline like a putz yet AGAIN and watch this McElroy douche get his ass beat by the Chargers, all the while thinking, “Why the fuck did this sorry-ass team trade for me if I’m just going to rot here on the bench?”

 

Well it turns out that McElroid is such a complete dumbfuck, he can’t go ONE GAME without getting all concussed and shit. So now I’m like, “FINALLY. It’s too late to save the season with some of my patented Tebow magic, but at least I’ll get ONE game in as a starter before this miserable fucking year is over.”

 

So what happens? That’s right. Captain Lard-Ass decides to go BACK to Mark Sucktard Sanchez as his starter. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

 

Just tell me one thing. Just one small tidbit of information. Please tell me WHO IN THE FUCK I HAVE TO KILL TO GET A START ON THIS WORTHLESS GODDAMN TEAM?!

 

Has anyone explained to old Rexy there that I led the Broncos to the playoffs last season? Or that I was 7-5 in doing so? Or that I WON A FUCKING PLAYOFF GAME AGAINST THE STEELERS? Not to mention that little fact that I won TWO NATIONAL NCAA CHAMPIONSHIPS AS WELL AS A GODDAMN HEISMAN TROPHY. Do you think Greg McElroy or Mark Sanchez have Heisman trophies? Well guess what? THEY FUCKING DON’T.

 

I’m so sick and tired of this shit. If I was on the bench while Bill Walsh was choosing between Joe Montana and Steve Young, that’d be one thing. But those two cunts we have SURE AS SHIT AIN’T MONTANA AND YOUNG.

 

Just to recap: the season is all but over, the playoffs are out of reach, and all season long neither Sanchez nor McElroy have shown they have one single lick of football skill between them. And yet, with absolutely nothing at stake, and when given the choice of a playoff-tested, Heisman winning, two-time collegiate world champion, or a couple of dumb pricks who can’t scramble five yards without running face-first into a lineman’s butthole and fumbling, our Einstein of a coach picks one of them instead of me OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. SO JUST WHO IN THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO KILL TO GET A START FOR THIS GODDAMN TEAM?!

 

FUCK!

 

 

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