Tall Men of America Demand Giants Change “Offensive” Nickname
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ – Loudly chanting “Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum, the Giants name is really dumb,” a contingent from the Brooklyn-based organization known as the Gentlemen Of Overly Normal Stature picketed outside Metlife Stadium early this morning, protesting what they call the “highly offensive, socially unacceptable” nickname of the New York Giants.
“How are we supposed to feel about a professional sporting team whose moniker mocks us so cruelly?” asked six foot, six inch G.O.O.N.S. member Reggie Whitehurst. “Think about it: you wouldn’t call a team ‘the Manhattan Midgets,’ would you? Or, ‘the Ithaca Imps?” So why is it okay for this team to so casually throw around the G-word like this?”
“No, no, the name honors them, you see,” said team co-owner John Mara. “The term ‘Giants’ refers to powerful warriors, and magnificent heroes. Whether you’re talking about the Jolly Green Giant, pro wresting’s Andre the Giant, Jack’s beanstalk nemesis, or our Big Blue Wrecking Crew, all remind you that Giants are noble, mighty creatures to be respected and admired.”
“What a load of crap,” muttered six foot, seven inch G.O.O.N.S. member Steven “Stretch” Benchley. “He can talk about ‘honoring’ giants all he wants, but we all know what the bottom line is: they don’t want to change their precious, prejudiced name, and they couldn’t care less who they offend by keeping it.”
In related news, a group of toothless, bearded, gold prospectors gathered at San Francisco 49ers headquarters this afternoon to protest what they called, “vicious, hateful stereotyping” by the NFC team. Meanwhile in Texas, several dozen cattle ranchers and rodeo performers demanded that Dallas change its team name of “Cowboys.” Not because they find the term offensive. They simply don’t want to be associated with Jerry Jones.