SHOCKER: Patriots Bench Tom Brady Against Redskins, Sending Clear Signal That Brady’s Career Is Finished

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Updated: August 8, 2014

LANDOVER, MD – The NFL universe was stunned by the news Thursday night that superstar Patriots QB Tom Brady, a two-time Super Bowl MVP and holder of nearly every New England passing record in the book, was benched for the team’s game against the Washington Redskins by head coach Bill Belichick, who chose to give the starting nod to 4th year signal caller Ryan Mallet instead, in what many are calling, “the clear end to Tom Brady’s career.”

PATRIOTS - Tom Brady on bench

 

“The decision to keep Tom out of tonight’s game was one we made internally,” said Belichick, who somehow appeared calm despite the turmoil that must have been raging within him at having just made such an earth-shaking move for his team. “Now we’ll go back and review some film, and get ready for next week.”

 

When asked to confirm that last night’s benching was an indication that he planned to cut Brady from the Patriots roster within the next few days, Belichick flatly said, “Look, I’m not going to get into any of that right now. We’re just focusing on our next… wait, what the hell are you talking about?”

 

Observed CNN/SI analyst Don Banks: “The once proud Patriots organization is clearly in a shambles right now. For example, I just checked the official depth chart at the team’s web page, and guess what? It still lists Tom Brady as the Pats’ starting quarterback, despite the fact that the whole world saw his embarrassing benching last night. That whole franchise is obviously in a state of confusion at the moment.”

 

As further proof of the Patriots decline, Banks pointed to the fact many other key members of the team were replaced by backups, and in some cases third and fourth stringers, by early in the final quarter of last night’s contest.

 

“It looks like we’re seeing a complete overhaul of the team’s lineup right before our eyes,” said ESPN reporter James Walker. “In the second half of that game, not only had Tom Brady been benched, but so had Darrelle Revis, Stevan Ridley, Vince Wilfork, Nate Solder, Julian Edelman, Devin McCourty, Jerrod Mayo, and many more. Pretty much all the players you’d think are their most important had been replaced with a bunch of undrafted free agents. If this is the direction New England is heading, I’ll be shocked if they manage to win even one game this year.”

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32 Comments

  1. Dumbass Who Doesn't Know PFM Is Satire

    August 19, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    ^ comment above wins Darwin Award. Congratulations! Are you a Cleveland Browns fan by any chance?

  2. @rickybells

    August 13, 2014 at 7:05 pm

    Whoever wrote this clearly does not understand what preseason football it all about. Dumbass.

  3. Guy Who Whispers "Penis"

    August 13, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    *whispers* penis

  4. Colin Kaepernick

    August 13, 2014 at 11:49 am

    ROMO, I WILL HAVE TONY STEWART RUN YOU OVER WITH A CAR!!!

  5. Tony Romo

    August 12, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Hey, did you guys hear that Beastmode is under investigation for sexual assault? Congrats Ben and Colin, you’re not the only rapists in the league anymore.

  6. Ha-Ha!

    August 10, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    Clinton Dix!

  7. Andy Dalton

    August 10, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    I’m sorry Cam, you forgot to phrase that in the form of a question.

  8. Cam Newton

    August 10, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    “Things Tony Romo has never said in December”

  9. Roy Helu

    August 10, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    Doesn’t matter, won game.

  10. Copycat

    August 10, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    *doesn’t whisper “penis”*

  11. Guy Who Doesn't Whisper "Penis"

    August 10, 2014 at 9:48 am

    *doesn’t whisper “penis”*

  12. Aaron Peterson (@MaverickMoPete)

    August 9, 2014 at 6:12 pm

    WILSON, I WILL DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO YOU BECAUSE I’M NOT AN NFL PLAYER OR A BRONCOS FAN!

  13. Russell Wilson

    August 9, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    …and the seventh, and the eighth. Man, Peyton Manning has been one and done in the playoffs a LOT!

  14. Aaron Peterson

    August 9, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    We heard you the first time. And the second. And the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth times.

  15. BEAST MODE

    August 9, 2014 at 7:52 am

    BEAST MODE HAPPY PUNY TOM BRADY LEVING PUNY NFL, BEAST MODE HAPPY NOW THAT PUNY TOM IS GOING INTO HIS 60s AND RETIRING BECUSE I CAN GO FIND HIS BEAUTEFEL GIRLFRIEND GASLINE BUTTCHIN!, AND BANG HER EXECTLY 347 TIMES A DEY!!!!

  16. BEAST MODE

    August 9, 2014 at 7:52 am

    BEAST MODE HAPPY PUNY TOM BRADY LEVING PUNY NFL, BEAST MODE HAPPY NOW THAT PUNY TOM IS GOING INTO HIS 60s AND RETIRING BECUSE I CAN GO FIND HIS BEAUTEFEL GIRLFRIEND GASLINE BUTTCHIN!, AND BANG HER EXECTLY 347 TIMES A DEY!!!!

  17. BEAST MODE

    August 9, 2014 at 7:52 am

    BEAST MODE HAPPY PUNY TOM BRADY LEVING PUNY NFL, BEAST MODE HAPPY NOW THAT PUNY TOM IS GOING INTO HIS 60s AND RETIRING BECUSE I CAN GO FIND HIS BEAUTEFEL GIRLFRIEND GASLINE BUTTCHIN!, AND BANG HER EXECTLY 347 TIMES A DEY!!!!

  18. BEAST MODE

    August 9, 2014 at 7:52 am

    BEAST MODE HAPPY PUNY TOM BRADY LEVING PUNY NFL, BEAST MODE HAPPY NOW THAT PUNY TOM IS GOING INTO HIS 60s AND RETIRING BECUSE I CAN GO FIND HIS BEAUTEFEL GIRLFRIEND GASLINE BUTTCHIN!, AND BANG HER EXECTLY 347 TIMES A DEY!!!!

  19. BEAST MODE

    August 9, 2014 at 7:52 am

    BEAST MODE HAPPY PUNY TOM BRADY LEVING PUMY NFL, BEAST MODE HAPPY NOW THAT PUNY TOM IS GOING INTO HIS 60s AND RETIRING BECUSE I CAN GO FIND HIS BEAUTEFEL GIRLFRIEND GASLINE BUTTCHIN!, AND BANG HER EXECTLY 347 TIMES A DEY!!!!

  20. BEAST MODE

    August 9, 2014 at 7:51 am

    BEAST MODE HAPPY PUNY TOM BRADY LEVING NFL, BEAST MODE HAPPY NOW THAT PUNY TOM IS GOING INTO HIS 60s AND RETIRING BECUSE I CAN GO FIND HIS BEAUTEFEL GIRLFRIEND GASLINE BUTTCHIN!, AND BANG HER EXECTLY 347 TIMES A DEY!!!!

  21. Josh McCown

    August 8, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    Well guys it’s been fun, but after lye crappy way I played tonight I doubt I’ll be the starter much longer. Hash tag oh well I’m still a millionaire.

  22. Guy who is confused about what PFM is

    August 8, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    I hope this is so damn true!

  23. No One Ever

    August 8, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    The Patriots have never cheated, Bill Belichick is the best coach in the NFL, Tom Brady is a manly stud.

  24. Fact

    August 8, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    Bears are still better than the Vikings.

  25. M. Sean Dhow

    August 8, 2014 at 5:20 pm

    Yes, I agree that the bears still suck.

  26. The Carp King

    August 8, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    The Bears Still Suck !!!

  27. The Carp King

    August 8, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    Go Vikings !!!

  28. Aaron Peterson

    August 8, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Apologies. I meant Brady.

  29. Aaron Peterson

    August 8, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    I gotta give the nod to Garoppolo on this one. If he can avoid Tony Romoing, he might have a legitimate shot at making it in the NFL should Brade decide he’s had enough of banging every other QBs wife.

  30. Jimmy Garoppolo

    August 8, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Shut up Ryan Mallet. Your ass sucked during the game. If anyone on this team is the future starting QB it’s me! I got drafted for a reason I am going to be the next franchise QB for the Patriots!!!

  31. Ryan Mallet

    August 8, 2014 at 11:33 am

    Suck it Brady. It’s my time to shine! Bill Belichick is tired that you haven’t won a Super Bowl in a decade now and wants a fresh start. It is only a matter of time till your ass retires, and I carry the team to more Super Bowl victories!

  32. Ben Roethlisberger

    August 8, 2014 at 6:32 am

    IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IT WAS JUST PRESEASON

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