Selfish Drew Brees Rudely Insists On Dominating Conversation In Every Saints Huddle

"No one else can get a word in edgeways," say frustrated teammates

Updated: December 3, 2014

NEW ORLEANS – Superstar QB Drew Brees may be perceived by some as a strong role model and all-around nice guy. But his offensive teammates tell a different story, painting Brees as a selfish, egotistical show-off, who rudely insists on dominating the conversation during every single Saints huddle on NFL game days, according to sources close to the New Orleans franchise.



“Drew is unbelievably inconsiderate in all of our huddles, I can tell you that,” said RG Jahri Evans. “During last week’s game against Pittsburgh, I was trying to tell the other guys in the huddle a story about this really cute thing my cat did, and Drew just interrupts me by shouting out, ‘All right everyone, listen up! Red right fake 67, keep right, flanker slide, 80 hot yellow, on three, ready break!’ And I’m just like, ‘Um excuse me. I was right in the middle of a sentence here?’ The guy just has no social skills whatsoever.”


“I like to think of our huddles as male bonding time,” seconded wide receiver Kenny Stills. “It’s nice just to get together with the fellas, share a few stories, have some laughs, you know? But Drew always has to ruin everyone’s good time by insisting on being the only one that gets to talk. He’s always, ‘Bunch left!’ this, and ‘Double motion!’ that. Before you know it, the huddle is over and none of us got to say anything except for him.”


“It’s true,” added RB Mark Ingram. “When Drew goes off on one of his boring ‘huddle monologues,’ no one else can get a word in edgewise.”


“Behavior like this is usually indicative of an insecure personality,” observed Dr. Martin Sherman of Loyola University’s Clinical Psychiatry department. “This Drew Brees person you describe clearly suffers from some sort of social anxiety, and is just compensating for his feelings of inadequacy by insisting on being the center of attention during every one of these ‘huddle’ conversations. I would encourage Mr. Brees to involve others in the dialogue by asking questions such as, ‘Say fellows, how is everyone’s day going so far?’ or ‘Hey, has anyone seen any good movies lately?’ Before he knows it, the conversation will be flowing quite naturally, and he won’t feel the need to mask his insecurities with a bunch of nonsensical gibberish about slants or skinny post routes or whatever.”


Brees’ offensive teammates, however, are skeptical that the eight-time pro bowler’s conversational skills will improve any time soon.


“No, Drew’s never going to change,” said TE Jimmy Graham. “He’s just too flat out rude to let anyone but himself talk during huddle time. I wish he was more like Ben Roethlisberger. I hear the only thing that guy ever says in the huddle is, ‘Me throw ball. You catch. Boobs are cool.’

Leave a Reply


  1. RED

    December 3, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    Boobs are cool.

  2. AnonyMOOSE

    December 3, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    Dr. Martin Sherman’s cousin Richard, meanwhile, just picked Brees off a few times.


    December 3, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    Brees is such a shmuck. ELITE qb’s like PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING let their receivers share their feelings first. Besides, I don’t even know why I call plays when there’s always a few dozen audibles. OMAHA, MOTHERFUCKERS

  4. DangerRuss

    December 3, 2014 at 9:34 am

    First time ever, but I do have to agree with Roethlisberger… Boobs are cool!!!

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