Seahawks Practice Ends Early When Ball Gets Kicked Over Fence Into Neighbor’s Yard

"You damn brats better keep the hell off of my property," snarls Mean Old Man Johnson

Updated: August 12, 2013

RENTON, WA – The Seattle Seahawks were forced to end their morning practice earlier than expected today when punter Jon Ryan accidentally shanked the ball over a nearby chain link fence and into the backyard of Earl Johnson, 72, whose house sits next door to the team’s practice facility.



“Dang. How are we gonna get that ball back now?” asked CB Richard Sherman. “Last time we kicked a ball into Mean Old Man Johnson’s yard, he yelled at all of us to ‘keep the hell off’a his property.’ He also called up (Seahawks owner) Paul Allen and told him that if any of us ‘lousy brats’ lost another football over his fence, he was going to bring it inside his house and pop it with a carving knife. If we don’t do something, that ball’s gonna be gone for sure.”


As of press time, sources claim the team was formulating contingency plans for the lost football.


“We  all drew straws, and Sid (WR Sidney Rice) drew the short one, so tonight when it gets dark, he’s gonna hop the fence and run to get the ball. I sure hope he doesn’t get caught. (TE) Zach Miller heard a story from this dude whose cousin knows a guy who once saw some kid get caught on Old Man Johnson’s property, and he said that kid was never heard from again. Sounds pretty legit to me.”

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