Saints Prepare For Intense Crowd Noise By Inviting 80,000 Seahawks Fans To Practice

Updated: January 7, 2014

NEW ORLEANS – In an effort to simulate the intense crowd noise they are likely to face this weekend at Seattle’s CenturyLink Field, the New Orleans Saints invited nearly 80,000 screaming Seahawks fans to attend today’s morning practice session, according to official team sources.



“We know that Saturday’s game is going to be a challenging one for us, due to the extreme volume level that their home crowd generally creates,” said Saints coach Sean Payton. “So at great expense, I’ve chosen to prepare our players for the noise they’re going to have to deal with by going straight to the source and bringing in a full stadium’s worth of Seahawks fans, 97% of whom had to skip out on Algebra class to be with us here today.


When asked why the team didn’t opt for the easier solution of simply piping in false crowd noise via an audio CD, TE Jimmy Graham simply replied, “What? Sorry, I can’t hear a thing. Goddammit, why are those assholes still screaming? It’s a timeout, for Christ’s sake!”


The experiment was not without complications, however.


“Practice was disrupted several times by glass bottles and cups being thrown onto the field,” said one of the three exhausted security guards tasked with controlling the 80,000 rowdy fans. “Also, players and coaches who were meeting on the sideline had to dodge a steady stream of glass bottles and cups being thrown at their heads. And the injured players riding stationary bikes were struck repeatedly by glass bottles and cups being thrown at their heads.”


“In retrospect, selling beer to the fans in glass bottles and cups probably wasn’t the best idea,” added the guard, just before ducking a 16oz glass bottle being thrown at his head.

Leave a Reply


  1. Anonymous

    January 8, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    There needs to be another post from Beast Mode. I’d love to hear his thoughts on the $50,000 fine he’s receiving.

  2. LIaK

    January 8, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    So you can throw streamers and confetti at the Clink…but don’t you even THINK about having a bottle cap on your person. EJECTION. You can spill beer on my 8 year old while hurling profanity-laced diatribes at the players (I’m talking about YOU, you nut bag who sits behind me in the charter section 135!!) but…they take your bottle caps away because they are a hazard.
    I love my Seahawks and I LOVE going to games but sometimes it’s too much. My 8 year old daughter wants to go so badly. It’s a shame you cannot take your kiddos.
    That being said, I’ll stay home and watch it on T.V. and save a ton of $$ on food! GO HAWKS!

  3. Anonymous

    January 8, 2014 at 10:09 am

    I KNOW, RIGHT? Stupidest rule in the league, don’t know if all stadiums do that.
    Only thing worse is that a large and small draft beer are REALLY THE SAME SIZE! C’mon Paul Allen, help a drinker out!

  4. Anonymous

    January 8, 2014 at 6:39 am

    They can’t all be winners. This might have been funny had the Seahawks actually had a history of throwing objects on the field. Perhaps next week will be better when they write the article about how SF fans continue to whine and complain about the stadium being too loud (reference after week 2).

  5. bobman2

    January 7, 2014 at 10:15 pm

    Truly annoying C-Link concession quirk: If you buy say four 20 oz soda bottles for you and friends, they remove the caps (“sorry sir, it’s the rules”). I was told it was to prevent people hurling projectiles (yeah, now when I throw it down and it just rains on 100 people below me instead of hitting the field….) How the F do you carry 4 opened bottles along with food back to your seat? Back when that happened to me, they DID sell been in glass bottles. They don’t anymore? Well, it’s more consistent at least….

  6. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 8:47 pm

    The article would have been way better if they threw SKITTLES instead of beer bottles and caps. BEASTMODE MOTHERF**KERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. JimboPalmer

    January 7, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    If the Saints try this, I suggest one way tickets.

  8. Xodiac

    January 7, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    80,000 Seahawks fans would accept the free trip to New Orleans and the chance to watch the Saints practice. They wouldn’t throw bottles and cups because they’re not Eagles fans, but at least a third of them would be tweeting the Saints’ game plans for the Seahawks to peruse at their leisure.

  9. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    They only have plastic bottles at Century Link, just for reference

  10. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    80,000 seahawks fans wouldnt help the saints prepare :(

  11. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    Not believable… Sorry.

  12. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    This article: swing and a miss.

  13. Seattle Muse

    January 7, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    I thought Seahawks fans drank wine??

  14. KingdomOfFawg

    January 7, 2014 at 11:40 am

    I would have preferred another Beast Mode Monologue.

  15. alexgiobbi

    January 7, 2014 at 10:26 am

    Wouldn’t that also backfire in real life because the seahawks fans would be quiet?

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