Roger Goodell Writes-In “Roger Goodell” On Presidential Ballot
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, while voting in the U.S. Preidential election Tuesday, entered the name, “Roger Goodell” as an official write-in candidate, it was reported Tuesday.
“Just as a joke, of course,” said Goodell moments after leaving the voting booth. “I’m not seriously suggesting that voters all over the nation who want a President that would bring discipline, structure, and a firm ruling hand to the Oval Office should write in my name on their ballot. Although if they WERE to elect me in a shocking and historic write-in landslide, well, who would I be to deny the will of the people, right?”
Sources close to the commissioner confirmed that, if elected, the write-in President would appoint former commissioner Paul Tagliabue as his Vice President, appoint a cabinet comprised of current NFL owners Jerry Jones, Dan Snyder and Robert Kraft, and name New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton as public enemy #1 and immediately banish him without trial to a maximum security Federal Penitentiary until such time as a formal appeals commission, comprised solely of Goodell himself, saw fit to lift the sentence.
- INTERCEPTED TEXT: Roger Goodell Has A Woman Problem
- Roger Goodell Concludes 2014 NFL Draft By Announcing Jaguars Are Officially “On The Clock” With First Pick Of 2015
- INTERCEPTED TEXT: Aaron Rodgers Addresses the “Gay” Rumors
- ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Saints Fans Still Blame Super Bowl Loss On Botched Onside Kick