Richie Incognito Urges Rams To Sign Him Immediately So He Can Beat The Shit Out Of Michael Sam

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Updated: May 10, 2014

ST. LOUIS – Disgraced former Dolphins lineman Richie Incognito, unemployed since last year’s hazing scandal involving teammate Jonathan Martin, demanded today that his former team, the St. Louis Rams, sign him to a free agent contract immediately so that he could, “Beat the ever living shit out of (Rams 7th round draft pick) Michael Sam.”

MICHAEL SAM WANTS TO GO TO RAMS TO BEAT UP RICHIE INCOGNITO

 

“Hey Coach Fisher? It’s me, Richie,” Incognito reportedly said to Rams coach Jeff Fisher during a mid-afternoon phone call. “I played with you guys until 2009. Yeah, before your time, I know. Listen, I heard you guys just drafted that (slur) Michael Sam, and I assume you just did it for a goof or whatever. So here’s an idea: sign me to a one-year deal immediately and I’ll kick his (expletive) ass for you.”

 

Added Incognito: “Also, find out for me if he has a sister. I’ll totally threaten to shit on her. That’s kind of my calling card, y’know?”

 

Sam, who now becomes the NFL’s first openly gay player, would seem to be a poor mix with the volatile Incognito, whose history of bullying Martin included physical intimidation, financial extortion and personal attacks of a racial nature, Incognito, however, insisted that he has learned important lessons about tolerance from his past transgressions.

 

“Oh yeah, I’m a whole new guy,” Incognito said moments after hanging up the phone. “See, back then I was pushing Jonathan around, calling him an (expletive), insulting his manhood. I just did it for fun, because he wasn’t really gay. And I know now that was wrong. But this Michael Sam kid, he actually IS a homosexual, you see, so clearly he’d deserve whatever beatdown I put on him.”

 

“I explained all this to the Rams, and they said ‘absolutely not.’ But between you and me, I think they’re just trying to be tough negotiators. Trust me, I expect they’ll call me anytime now and beg me to come wedgie the shit out of that Sam kid. Unless, you know, they’re all a bunch of little (expletives) that is.”

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34 Comments

  1. Miami Heat Fan

    July 16, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Go Cavs!

  2. Ben Rothesburger

    July 16, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    IT’S FUNNY, BECAUSE WHEN LEBRON LEFT MIAMI, THE HEAT BECAME VERY SHITTY

  3. Colin Kaepernick

    July 16, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    HIRE ME COACH FISHER, I WILL HELP THE DOLPHINS BE THE BEST TEAM IN MIAMI

  4. Anonymous

    May 30, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    *crying like a baby*
    I’m a big loser because I get so pissed when people pretend to be the QBs from the fake facebook conversation.
    *crying harder like a baby*
    It-it-it’s because I have nothing to contribute to the comment section so I have to rip hard on those who f-f-f-find ways to kill time while waiting for the next article during the long and boring offseason.
    *crying even harder like a baby*
    I’m s-s-s-s-such a loser that I accuse these copycats of living in my mom’s basement when I’m the real loser who lives in her basement. I’m a 42 year old virgin and I’ve n-n-never even kissed a girl. Not even a fake one.
    *pitching a temper tantrum and is now grounded by his mother*

  5. Anonymous

    May 26, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    HERRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!

  6. Blanket man

    May 23, 2014 at 10:41 am

    Blankets

  7. Darth Anonymous

    May 14, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    ^I’ll have you know that I destroyed the time machine that caused all of the past, future, and alternate QBs flooding the comment sections. And this is the thanks I get. Piss off you little bitch.

  8. Stop You Guys You Guys Are Ruining PFM

    May 12, 2014 at 8:19 pm

    stop it guys you are not funny please stop making comments using QB names. But it gets worse when there’s Darth anonymous and other people. Like guys stop it and definately stop feeding the trolls like its not funny you guys are not funny stop (whines like a teenage girl) ssstttoooopppp

  9. No One Ever

    May 12, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    Yo Incognito! Come at me bro!

  10. Anonymous

    May 11, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    PFM please ask him (or them?) to stop! This unfunny garbage is utterly ruining the comment section and they won’t listen to us. For the sake of your website please get them to stop.

  11. Guy Who Whispers "Penis"

    May 11, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    *Whispers* penis

  12. Richie Incognito

    May 11, 2014 at 9:34 am

    Looks like someone else’s needs a beating too huh. You’re welcome to join Michael Sam in a threesome as I whoop your ass too

  13. Anonymous

    May 11, 2014 at 9:31 am

    ^ So salty bwahahahaha

  14. I would much rather read the QB convo’s you all write than the ones PFM writes; you’re all soooooo much more talented.

  15. Drew Brees

    May 10, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    Yea, Elite QBs don’t throw 4th QTR game losing interceptions

  16. Chad Henne

    May 10, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    A place where dreams go to die, like Tony Romo’s hopes of not throwing a 4th quarter interception

  17. Colin Kaepernick

    May 10, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    We should sign Richie Incognito, I want to what’s the Dolphins locker room like?

  18. Anonymous

    May 10, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    Fuck you Incognito you fat ass worthless no talent dickless piece of shit!

  19. Richie Incognito

    May 10, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    Hey, why are all these rainbow flag *bleep* lighting my house on fire?

  20. Aaron Rodgers

    May 10, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    MOTHERFUCKER! *I* WANTED SAM TO BE ON THE PACKERS!

  21. Something to think about

    May 10, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    So you know what’s gonna be really annoying? The coach will need to use full names when calling two of his players. If he only uses last names, like “SAM! BRADFORD!” Only the QB will come, and if he uses just first names like “MICHAEL! SAM!” Only the DE will come

  22. No one ever

    May 10, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    I’m so glad we got this instead of a new NFLQBFB

  23. Colin Kaepernick

    May 10, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    And I burned it in frustration after the NFC championship loss

  24. Jake Long

    May 10, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    You sold it to buy those little doo-dads for Colin Kaepernick’s turtle last Christmas, remember?

  25. Anonymous

    May 10, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    Now Sam and Bradford can have GAY butt sex after every practice lol.

  26. Sam Bradford

    May 10, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    Allow me to show you… My Dildo collec…FUCK!!! WHAT THAT FUCK HAPPENED TO MY DILDO COLLECTION!?

  27. Rest of the St.Louis Rams

    May 10, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    It’s not. Believe us.

  28. Michael Sam

    May 10, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    Site bradford That sounds Faaaaaabulus

  29. Anonymous

    May 10, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    Say No! Say No!!!!!

  30. Sam Bradford

    May 10, 2014 at 5:08 pm

    Welcome to the team Michael Sam!!! Wanna see my collection???

  31. Russell Wilson

    May 10, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    Ben like aaron rodgers

  32. Robert Quinn

    May 10, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    Hey Michael, welcome to the club. As a welcoming gift, I give you a piece of advice I really suggest you heed: if Sam Bradford offers to show you any sort of “collection,” just say no thanks, walk away and DO. NOT. LOOK. BACK.

  33. Ben Roethlisberger

    May 10, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE RICHIE INCOGNITO HATES GAY PEOPLE, YOU SEE

  34. Not a fake qb convo

    May 10, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    You boys work fast. Well done

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