Report: NFL Fans Unable To Become Any More Aware Of Breast Cancer
As the National Football League continues its annual October tradition of aggressively promoting breast cancer awareness through the use of numerous pink hued accoutrements on the field of play as well as in television broadcasting graphics, a new study by the Tabulation In Televised Sports foundation reports that awareness of the disease has now reached 100% saturation, concluding that NFL viewers are incapable of becoming any more cognizant of the ailment than they already are.
“That’s enough, NFL. I could not possibly become anymore aware of breasts that I already am,” said Pat Nielson, 30, of Modesto CA. “You’ve done a wonderful job. The pink socks, the pink gloves, all the pink banners and stuff that you splash all over every NFL broadcast. Mission accomplished. I am now more aware that breast cancer exists, and that it is bad, than I have been at any other point in my entire life. Any chance you can give my eyeballs a break now?”
“This annoying pink-ifying of the entire league just gets worse and worse every year,” stated Kelly Johannson, 27, of Tulsa, OK. “It started out small a few years ago. But ever since then it’s been growing and growing, spreading itself everywhere like some kind of can… Never mind.”
“We don’t care if people do find it annoying,” said league commissioner Roger Goodell. “Breast cancer is an awful condition that sadly affects millions of women worldwide, and we here at the National Football League will continue to remain committed to doing everything we possibly can to fight this terrible disease.”
When reporters suggested that maybe one thing the NFL could do is donate more than a mere 8% of the revenue from sales of pink merchandise to breast cancer research, Goodell made a loud “brrring, brrring,” noise from the side of his mouth, been claimed he had to end the press conference immediately to answer an urgent phone call.