Ralph Wilson Awarded Four Lombardi Trophies Upon Arriving In Heaven

By
Updated: March 25, 2014

ETERNAL PARADISE – Ralph Wilson Jr., beloved longtime owner of the Buffalo Bills, passed away Tuesday at the age of 95, and was immediately greeted by Saint Peter at the pearly gates of Heaven with a pair of custom fitted angel wings, a solid gold halo, and four shiny Lombardi Trophies commemorating the dominant Bills teams of the mid 1990s, according to afterworld sources on the scene.

BILL OWNER RALPH WILSON

 

“Here you go big fella. These are for you,” said the saint upon presenting the trophies to the surprised but smiling Wilson. “We’ve been keeping these babies warm for you ever since ’95. Enjoy ‘em Ralph. You earned them.”

 

Wilson, whose team advanced to an unmatched four consecutive Super Bowl berths from 1990-1993, only to lose each time, hugged the trophies tightly as a look of peaceful joy spread across his face, before addressing the assembled angels and saints.

 

“I… I don’t understand,” Wilson reportedly uttered, still smiling. “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate this. But we, we didn’t win those games.”

 

“Up here, anything is possible,” replied Saint Peter warmly. “You and the Bills not only won all four of those games, but your average margin of victory was over four touchdowns. You’re listed in Wikipedia as ‘the greatest NFL dynasty of all time.’ Congrats, big guy.”

 

“That was a nice moment,” Peter would later recall as Wilson carried the four trophies to his glorious sky-mansion. “He was really happy to get those Lombardis. It reminded me of the smile on (deceased Bears RB) Walter Payton’s face when we showed him the video of him scoring five touchdowns against the Patriots in the Super Bowl. It’s special moments like that that make this job worthwhile.”

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36 Comments

  1. Adam

    April 1, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    Make sure the Bills stay in Buffalo!!!

  2. toadofsteel

    March 31, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Ralph Wilson just got welcomed to Football Heaven…

    http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/r-i-p-junior-seau/

  3. Anonymous

    March 30, 2014 at 8:11 am

    This is pathetic. Just stop.

  4. Chrth

    March 30, 2014 at 8:04 am

    You morons are so fucking stupid with your fake QB posts. Leave it to the professionals.

  5. Russell Wilson

    March 29, 2014 at 10:46 pm

    Just like when Tate caught that game winner against your Packers. :)

  6. Ron Burgandy

    March 29, 2014 at 9:08 am

    Stay Classy PFM

  7. Aaron Rodgers who is not gay

    March 28, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    Thanks for the confession, you just got TROLL’D!!!!!!! 😛

  8. Anonymous who is not Russell Wilson

    March 28, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    I’ll admit i’m Russell Wilson when you admit you’re gay

  9. Aaron Rodgers

    March 28, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Shut up Anonymous, who is obviously Russell Wilson. Don’t even try to deny it. And I am ***NOT*** gay!!!!!!!

  10. Anonymous

    March 28, 2014 at 7:48 am

    Dude you couldn’t even leave this comment section alone? You aren’t funny and you are being disrespectful.

  11. Drew Brees

    March 27, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    *puke* What is wrong with you Bradford?

  12. Anonymous

    March 26, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    Very touching article im more than a little saddened for both all of those poor bills fans and everyone who reads the comments due to these stupid QB comments leave it for QB’s on Facebook

  13. Anonymous

    March 26, 2014 at 9:06 pm

    Rest in Peace Ralph. WNY will miss you.

  14. Sam Bradford

    March 26, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    Its like having your sister take a dump on your chest, while your mother shoves a Bowie knife to the hilt down your urethra, and then masturbating.
    Aka pure bliss

  15. Anonymous

    March 26, 2014 at 9:04 pm

    Right in the feels. Great article though way to honor a great owner’s passing.

  16. Sam Bradford

    March 26, 2014 at 9:03 pm

    Well you know what they say about last second hail mary touchdowns…

  17. Anonymous

    March 26, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    Aaron Rodgers stop being a troll who’s in denial about his sexuality. You should learn to be more classy like Russell Wilson, the king of last second hail mary touchdowns.

  18. Cygnia

    March 26, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Right in the feels… :)

  19. Aaron Rodgers

    March 26, 2014 at 8:44 am

    Great artice, way to be classy

    And for the last time IM NOT GAY GOD DAMMIT

  20. Hannah73

    March 26, 2014 at 6:41 am

    Well done, PFM. Well done.

  21. Ginger

    March 25, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    Thanks for that, very cool article.

  22. Anonymous

    March 25, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    The last 3 owners to die in the past year were from teams without a Lombardi trophy.

    *Owners of the Bengals, Browns, Texans, Jaguars, Chargers, Eagles, Vikings, Falcons, Panthers, and Cardinals are all freaking out now*

  23. Russell Wilson

    March 25, 2014 at 6:55 pm

    Hmm… I wonder…

  24. Tim Tebow

    March 25, 2014 at 6:54 pm

    What? I didn’t say that! It was… it was… um… Manning did it!

  25. Tim Tebow

    March 25, 2014 at 6:50 pm

    HEAVEN DOESN’T EXIST!!!!!!!

  26. Kenneth Smith-Brady

    March 25, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    At first i thought this was a really douchey joke, but then as I read it’s really a clever, comedic way to honor a great man. Good job guys

  27. pinche_rudy

    March 25, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    A great man has moved on, and this is a nice way of honoring his legacy, as one of the founders of the modern NFL.

  28. nemo

    March 25, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    A class act 100%. RIP Ralph Wilson.

  29. Anonymous

    March 25, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    I love this article. Keep up the good work PFM!

  30. Hunter

    March 25, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    RIP to a great man and owner

  31. Tony Romo

    March 25, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    That was really touching. I really liked this article. Rest in Peace Wilson.

  32. Andrew Luck

    March 25, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    Rest in peace, sir. You fully deserved those trophies, and I will always respect you. (I’m not talking in just Andrew Luck’s perspective, but in my personal opinion. RIP, Ralph.)

  33. Kenny

    March 25, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    Classy

  34. Anonymous

    March 25, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    Probably the best thing PFM has ever written, very clever way to show respect to a great man

  35. Tom Brady

    March 25, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Your right Ben there isn’t

  36. Ben Roethlisberger

    March 25, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    I’M NOT SURE IF THERE IS A JOKE TO EXPLAIN HERE.

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