Patriots Accused Of Taking All The Air Out Of Seahawks Season

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Updated: February 1, 2015

GLENDALE, AZ – Scandal marred the end of New England’s 28-24 victory over Seattle in today’s Super Bowl when Seattle accused the Patriots of taking the air out of the potential Seahawks comeback, as well as Seattle’s entire 2014-’15 season, according to sources close to the scene.

New England Patriots Beat Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl

 

“This is an outrage!” howled a furious Seahawks coach Pete Carroll. “Those cheating sons of bitches blatantly took all the air out of our miraculous come-from-behind victory, and we have the whole thing on videotape. We made that amazing catch to get ourselves down to the red zone, got ourselves to the 1-yard line, and were prepared to complete what would have been the most spectaular comeback in Super Bowl history. And then that New England cornerback, Malcolm What’s-His-Name, intercepted Russell Wilson’s pass, which completely deflated all the ball sacks in our sideline. That has to be illegal, right? Right?”

 

“Do you know how pumped up we were when we thought we were going to win that game? At least 5,000 psi!” yelled Seahawks CB Richard Sherman. “Then all of a sudden, with just seconds left in the 4th quarter, all the air completely flew out of every single member of our team. Don’t you think that’s HIGHLY suspicious?”

 

While hoisting the Lombardi Trophy and showering themselves with champagne, Patriots officials denied any wrongdoing.

 

“To my knowledge, we operated completely within NFL guidelines,” said a jubilant Patriots coach Bill Beluchick. “It’s my understanding, scientifically speaking, that many things can cause the air to suddenly leak out of a football team. Atmospheric conditions, such as a the failure to properly use a BeastQuake, can be a contributing factor. Or it’s possible the air seeped out after they were roughly handled by a four-time Super Bowl champion. In any case, this is the last I will be addressing the situation, We’re on to the White House.”

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12 Comments

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  2. AnonyMOOSE

    February 2, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    All right i hate to be “that guy” but its practically 5:00 ET and no convo. And its the superbowl. Hurry up please. :)

  3. Darth Anonymous

    February 2, 2015 at 9:56 am

    Well played Belichick. Well played indeed my old nemesis.

  4. AnonyMOOSE

    February 2, 2015 at 9:21 am

    Convo is gonna be epic

  5. Anonymous

    February 2, 2015 at 8:08 am

    Looks like the end of typical Seahawk fan. But I’m sure he will just become typical Patriots fan until there is a new champion that is.

  6. AnonyMOOSE

    February 1, 2015 at 11:46 pm

    Malcolm whats-his-name? Wasn’t that the guy who won SBMVP last year?

  7. toadofsteel

    February 1, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    For the end of the post super bowl convo, Brady is banging Wilson’s wife, boasting to the world that the infamous “Troll” has been dethroned and that he now lays claim to every QB’s wife.

    Eli: Except mine.

    Brady: ELI I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE AND PLASTER THAT DERPY FACE TO A MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME.

    • AnonyMOOSE

      February 1, 2015 at 11:47 pm

      I think it’ll actually be something like the convo after the Falcons beat Seattle a few years ago. (Wilson was pissed and raging and actually got trolled by Matt Ryan)

      • toadofsteel

        February 2, 2015 at 10:12 am

        That was quite a while ago, I had forgotten about that. More recently, seahawks losses have been set up so he can still get a troll off. Like when he lost to Arizona in 2013, he was Carson Palmer’s Secret Santa, and gifted them a win that prevented the Saints and 49ers from clinching a playoff berth.

        • AnonyMOOSE

          February 2, 2015 at 12:36 pm

          But not the time they lost to the Cowboys i think it was earlier this season and he lost his “troll-jo”

      • toadofsteel

        February 2, 2015 at 10:14 am

        Went back and read the convo. Wilson still got a troll off against Rodgers at the end.

  8. Jim in NYC

    February 1, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    “Hey, Marshawn, were you happy with the game’s outcome?”

    “Yeah.”

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