Packers Suspect Clay Matthews May Have Been Skipping Leg Day Workouts During Offseason

By
Updated: July 28, 2014

DE PERE, WI – Coaches and players of the Green Bay Packers, horrified by an appearance that was described as, “a powerfully pumped up torso held up by a couple of trembling pixie sticks,” have begun to suspect that OLB Clay Matthews may have been skipping his “leg day” workouts during off-season training sessions, according to snickering witnesses on the scene earlier today.

GREEN BAY PACKERS LB CLAY MATTHEWS SKIPS LEG DAY WORKOUTS - PORTRAIT

 

“Yeah I’m pretty sure that Clay’s been ignoring his calves and thighs,”  said nose tackle B.J. Raji. “When he first showed up at training camp, I was like, ‘What the hell happened to you man? Your legs look like two cardboard paper towel rolls with sneakers glued on the ends.’ It’s pretty gross.”

 

“It’s a mistake plenty of weight trainers make,” said fitness expert Cole Boyce. “They focus so much on the biceps, pecs, lats and abs, the so-called ‘glamour muscles,’ that they completely forget the importance of lower body training. Consequently, you end up with a physique that’s half Dwayne Johnson, half Justin Beiber, as seems to be the case with Mr. Matthews here.”

 

Added Boyce: “When we in the fitness biz say we want you to develop a ‘triangular’ shape to your body, this is not what we mean.”

 

Packers officials are reportedly hard at work developing a plan to return muscle mass to Matthews’ lower extremities.

 

“I’ve put Clay on a strict muscle-building regimen,” said head coach Mike McCarthy. “He has to run three laps every time (outside linebacker) A.J. Hawk misses a tackle in practice. Trust me, we’ll have those legs rippling and bulging in no time.”

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20 Comments

  1. alli

    August 1, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    Funny!!!!!! (The article, not the dumb-ass comments, although the word penis is pretty funny)

  2. Penis Who Cums

    July 29, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    *Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet!*

  3. Penis Who Whispers "Guy"

    July 29, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    *Whispers* “Guy*

  4. Name

    July 29, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    ^^^^^^^great so now we have this moron too, probably the same moron who does guy who whispers penis, hopefully that’s gone at least but replacing it with this isn’t much better

  5. This article makes me moist

  6. Michael Sam

    July 29, 2014 at 10:23 am

    I’d love to suck his big big cock!

  7. Sam Bradford

    July 29, 2014 at 9:18 am

    Actually Anonymoose. I think it’s disgusting. This penis whisperer is a sick degenerate and needs professional help.

  8. Anonymous

    July 28, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    It’s reasons like these comment sections I’m glad to enjoy my sports satire pieces on deadspin. I swear, PFM is a hilarious website, as evidenced by articles like this one, which are die hard funny. But I swear, scrolling down just a bit and seeing these comments is more disgusting than watching dog shit turn white.

  9. Ben Roethlisberger

    July 28, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    ITS FUNNY BECAUSE A.J HAWK MISSES A LOT OF TACKLES DURING GAMES. SO CLAY MATTHEWS WILL HAVE TO RUN A LOT YOU SEE.

  10. Josh McCown

    July 28, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    Only one week before real convos return guys! Hash tag woot woot. Hash tag can’t wait.

  11. Anonymoose

    July 28, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    great… is this “guy hoo haz teh mostist sweg” shit going to become the next “guy who whispers penis”? because they both suck.

    Whoever does “guy who whispers penis”, please read this and stop doing it because its not funny and no one likes it except Sam Bradford

  12. Stop putting comments in the Name section

    July 28, 2014 at 9:08 pm

    ITS FUNNY BECAUSE THERES NO ROETHLISBURGER JOKE YET…

    …….

    …….OOPS

  13. Stop commenting things you think are funny but are really just stupid

    July 28, 2014 at 6:28 pm

    Its annoying how people try to be funny in the comments section

  14. Clay Matthews

    July 28, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    I’m fabulous bitches.

  15. Roger Goodell

    July 28, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    Matthews!!! I’m fining you $100,000 for wearing a non-standard uniform!

  16. Guy who is confused about what PFM is

    July 28, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    OMG! I hope he’s okay. Legs that skinny on an athlete might mean cancer!

  17. Not Liam

    July 28, 2014 at 1:13 pm

    That pic is gold

  18. Travis

    July 28, 2014 at 7:57 am

    Photoshopped

  19. Xodiac

    July 28, 2014 at 7:12 am

    If that photo is real, then I am frightened. If it is photoshopped, I am impressed. Someone please let me know which I should be.

  20. guy hoo haz teh mostist sweg

    July 28, 2014 at 7:03 am

    i hav teh mostist sweg

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