Outraged Native Americans Demand Washington Redskins Change Defensive Coordinator

Updated: September 16, 2013

WASHINGTON – In the wake of a 38-20 loss to the Green Bay Packers on Sunday that dropped the Washington Redskins to 0-2, outraged Native American leaders from across Maryland, Virginia and other neighboring states staged a protest Monday to demand that team owner Daniel Snyder change the team’s, “disgraceful and insulting” defensive coordinator, Jim Haslett, local sources confirmed today.


“We’re tired of being demeaned this way,” said William Clark of the Nanticoke tribe. “Dan Snyder has the gall to refer to his team as ‘Redskins,’ and then employs a man whose squad gives up 71 points in just two weeks? It brings dishonor to me and to my entire culture to be associated with a unit that’s yielded an average of 511 yards per game.”


Added Clark, “I picked that defense in the 12th round of my fantasy draft for gods sake.”


Currently in his fourth season with the team, Haslett, 57, has overseen a unit that has steadily been sinking in the rankings since 2010, and currently ranks last in the league in several statistical categories.



“It’s an outrage,” claimed Edwin Dukes of the Rappahannock tribe. “Mr. Snyder claims that the ‘Redskins’ name somehow honors people of native American descent. Well I can assure you, I do NOT feel honored watching Jim Haslett’s inept defense allow the Packers to ring up 480 yards through the air, and another 139 on the ground.”


While Snyder his insisted that the Redskins will “never, under any circumstance,” bow to Native American pressure by changing its coaching personnel, tribal leaders are considering a class action lawsuit as well as an appeal to Congress to force the team to see if maybe former Bears coach Lovie Smith might be interested in the gig.

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  2. Anonymous

    September 17, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    Good, good. the the butthurt flow through you

  3. Dominic

    September 17, 2013 at 8:48 am

    The Troll is strong with this one.

  4. MtotheAtotheC

    September 17, 2013 at 7:14 am

    This is a football satire site genius but way to go on losing your shit in the comments

  5. Welshwitch

    September 17, 2013 at 6:07 am

    Cb…are you serious? Cause you’re really on the wrong site for serious.

  6. MVT

    September 16, 2013 at 11:30 pm

    CB, you obviously missed the point of that article…

  7. Cb

    September 16, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    Give it a break and go to your casinos. So remove everything Indian so all will forget. Redskins were warriors – leave it at that Tonto.

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