“Oh Man, No One Go In That Bathroom For A While,” Says J.J. Watt
Houston Texans DE J.J. Watt, upon leaving the men’s room at the team’s practice facility, looked around at his teammates and coaches and stated emphatically, “Oh man. You guys do NOT want to go in there for a while,” sources confirmed early Thursday.
Watt, the 2nd year player who was named a starter to the AFC Pro Bowl Squad late last week, reportedly smiled and continued, “I’m telling you, I just absolutely wrecked that john. If you come within ten feet of that door anytime in the next hour, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
The Texans, winners of the AFC South with a 12-4 record, are busy preparing to face the Cincinnati Bengals in a divisional round playoff game Saturday and Watt, who apparently must have eaten a fucking rotted goat carcass to make that kind of an odor, will be called upon to pressure Bengals QB Andy Dalton.
“Hey man, what do you want me to do, hold it all through practice?” concluded Watt, whose 20.5 sacks led the league in 2012. “If you guys don’t like it, you need to keep a can of Lysol or Glade or something in there that I can spritz in the air when I’m done.”
“Tell the coaches I’ll be right out,” said Texans RB Arian Foster, a late arrival to the locker room. “I just need to hit the head for a sec to take a quick… JESUS CHRIST. WATT, WAS THIS YOU AGAIN? WHAT THE FUCK DIED INSIDE YOU?”