Poll: 65% of NFL Felons, Rapists, Ex-Cons Opposed To Gay Teammate
ATLANTA – A new CNN poll released today reveals that 65% of the felons, rapists, wife-abusers, drunk drivers, and drug smugglers currently playing in the NFL are strongly opposed to having a teammate come out publicly as a homosexual.
“Share a locker room with a gay guy? Hell no!” said Bengals CB Adam “Pacman” Jones, who has twice been arrested for spitting on women and was involved in a 2007 bar skirmish that left a man paralyzed for life. “There’s no place in the NFL for that sort of disgusting element.”
“Hey, I’m not prejudiced or anything, but the way I see it, homosexuality is an abomination,” said Patriots CB Aqib Talib, who was charged with battery and resisting arrest in 2009, as well as aggrevated assault with a deadly weapon in 2011. “Their way of life is a threat to the very fabric of our society.”
When data was broken down by category, the poll revealed that slightly less than 60% of the NFL’s convicted drug dealers were opposed to the existence of homosexual NFL players, while a full 75% of those who’d served time for spousal abuse and other domestic altercations admitted to being revolted by the thought of sharing the field with a gay teammate.
“Look, it’s just not natural, okay? Men are meant to lay with women, not with other men” said Vikings DB Chris Cook, whose two arrests include a 2011 charge of strangling his girlfriend, leaving her with a bloody nose and injuries to her neck. “I’d be disgusted to have some sicko like that on my team.”