NFL Coaches Health Concerns

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Updated: November 6, 2013

NFL COACHES and their HEALTH 475With the recent health scares to Gary Kubiak of the Texans and John Fox of the Broncos, more attention than ever is being paid to how NFL head coaches deal with the stress their occupation puts on their bodies. Here’s a look at the methods some of the league’s sidelines bosses use to stay fit and healthy:

 

  • BILL BELICHICK: Consumes a diet low in salt and cholesterol to improve the flow of demonic acid that oozes through his veins instead of blood.
  • ANDY REID: Chooses at least two jelly filled doughnuts as part of every dozen he orders because, hey, jelly’s made from some kind of fruit right?
  • JASON GARRETT: Stays in peak physical condition by performing ten jumping jacks after every Dez Bryant sideline tantrum.
  • REX RYAN: Periodically visits an old gypsy woman to renew the evil spell that allows him to eat whatever he wants, as much as he wants, without gaining any weight, by magically transferring all the calories to his twin brother Rob.
  • TOM COUGHLIN: Jazzercise.
  • GREG SCHIANO: Finds self running involuntary sprints every time he passes group of Buccaneers fans.
  • JOE PHILBIN: Vigorously stretches before every hazing and bullying denial.
  • JOHN HARBAUGH: Wears his Super Bowl ring at all times, constantly alternating between hands as he holds it up high for everyone to see, since the extra added weight gives him a nice upper arm workout. At least, that’s how he explains it to Jim during all Harbaugh family functions.
  • WADE PHILLIPS: Wears hat with extended wire that dangles turkey leg just out of his reach; is now walking up to 10 miles per day.
  • SEAN PAYTON: Uses custom-built treadmill that rewards user after every half hour of exercise with CGI footage of Roger Goodell being mauled by wolves.

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10 Comments

  1. Ben_Roethlisberger

    November 17, 2014 at 10:15 am

    ITS FUNNY BECAUSE ANDY REID IS FAT AND BELICHICK IS ACTUALLY SATAN

  2. Anonymous

    December 17, 2013 at 11:34 am

    These were hilarious!
    Jim Harbaugh- Extends his arm out all the way out to his side to get a good arm stretch when signaling for a holding penalty

  3. Anonymous

    November 11, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    Lol Seam Payton

  4. Anonymous

    November 8, 2013 at 6:33 am

    Haha Greg Schiano. So much of the Buccs fanbase wants him gone, it’s not even funny. But PFM struck gold with this one.

  5. Anonymous

    November 7, 2013 at 5:10 am

    Mike Tomlin- Suits up and does Tennessee’s against his own defense.

  6. Seth

    November 6, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    ^Mike McCoy (Idk why I didn’t just look up before posting)
    But yeah, they were showing him like jogging and working out before several games and said he sometimes even works out with the team

  7. Seth

    November 6, 2013 at 9:23 pm

    Who’s the Chargers coach? I think he actually does work out lol

  8. Anonymous

    November 6, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    Gus Bradley- Practices several breathing exercises to prepare himself for the strenuous task of crying himself to sleep every night.

  9. Anonymous

    November 6, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    Ron Rivera, Jim Caldwell, and Art Shell all increased their blinking on the sidelines. They now blink once during every game.

  10. eaglesfan123

    November 6, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA ANDY REID!!!!!!
    im a birds fan and enough of him but seriously, his obesity gets blown out of proportion
    GO EAGLES!!
    E-A-G-L-E-S!!!!

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