NFL Coaches Health Concerns
By PFM Staff
Updated: November 6, 2013
With the recent health scares to Gary Kubiak of the Texans and John Fox of the Broncos, more attention than ever is being paid to how NFL head coaches deal with the stress their occupation puts on their bodies. Here’s a look at the methods some of the league’s sidelines bosses use to stay fit and healthy:
- BILL BELICHICK: Consumes a diet low in salt and cholesterol to improve the flow of demonic acid that oozes through his veins instead of blood.
- ANDY REID: Chooses at least two jelly filled doughnuts as part of every dozen he orders because, hey, jelly’s made from some kind of fruit right?
- JASON GARRETT: Stays in peak physical condition by performing ten jumping jacks after every Dez Bryant sideline tantrum.
- REX RYAN: Periodically visits an old gypsy woman to renew the evil spell that allows him to eat whatever he wants, as much as he wants, without gaining any weight, by magically transferring all the calories to his twin brother Rob.
- TOM COUGHLIN: Jazzercise.
- GREG SCHIANO: Finds self running involuntary sprints every time he passes group of Buccaneers fans.
- JOE PHILBIN: Vigorously stretches before every hazing and bullying denial.
- JOHN HARBAUGH: Wears his Super Bowl ring at all times, constantly alternating between hands as he holds it up high for everyone to see, since the extra added weight gives him a nice upper arm workout. At least, that’s how he explains it to Jim during all Harbaugh family functions.
- WADE PHILLIPS: Wears hat with extended wire that dangles turkey leg just out of his reach; is now walking up to 10 miles per day.
- SEAN PAYTON: Uses custom-built treadmill that rewards user after every half hour of exercise with CGI footage of Roger Goodell being mauled by wolves.