New “Play 60″ Campaign Encourages Kids To Spend One Hour Each Day Going Door-To-Door Promoting NFL Wildcard Games

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Updated: January 2, 2014

NEW YORK – The NFL today announced a modified version of its popular “Play 60″ campaign, in which instead of encouraging children across America to get at least one hour of exercise per day, the league will now call upon kids to spend at least 60 minutes each day going door-to-door around their neighborhoods to remind television viewers to tune in to the four wildcard playoff games which are scheduled to air this coming weekend.

NFL PLAY 60 DOOR to DOOR

 

“We’re very excited to unveil this improved version of our ‘Play 60′ program,” said NFL spokesperson Greg Aiello. “This campaign is designed to get children off the couch, and up and moving briskly about their local cities and towns, spreading the word to their neighbors about the four full games of exciting NFL playoff action scheduled this weekend, both on Sunday and Saturday.”

 

The NFL cited alarming new studies of the activity rates of modern Americans as the impetus for the program.

 

“Our research indicates that for far too many people, Saturday afternoon is traditionally a day for yardwork, little league games, errand running, that sort of thing. This increased level of activity is something that we want to discourage as much as possible. That’s why we’re asking the young people of the ‘Play 60′ program to say to America, ‘Hey, what’s your hurry? Instead of doing all that boring work, why not spend this Saturday stretched out on your sofa watching Andrew Luck and his Indianapolis Colts take on the surprising Kansas City Chiefs at 1:35pm EST/10:35am PST, followed by the red hot Philadelphia Eagles in a clash against Drew Brees and his high flying Saints at 5:10pm EST/2:10pm PST? And don’t forget to round out your afternoon of hard hitting NFL action with Deion Sanders, Marshall Faulk, Michael Irvin, and host Chris Rose as they break down all the day’s action on ‘NFL Playbook,’ at 11pm EST/8pm PST, only on the NFL Cable Network. Check your local listings for cable and satellite availability in your area.”

 

Added Aiello, “Yeah, it’s kind of a mouthful, but we’re asking the kids to memorize the script exactly like that to be sure potential viewers get the full impact.”

 

According to experts, the long term benefits of the new program are numerous.

 

“Oh there’s no doubt this campaign should greatly increase the NFL’s already robust health and well-being,” said Dr. Robin Thurgood. “I think the viewership levels can expect to see significant growth in the key demo of males 18-36, as well as strong improvement in its appeal to the “soccer mom” types, who might normally be out and about on a Saturday. It’s truly a shot in the arm for the league’s overall circulation.”

 

When asked if the program also held any benefit to the children themselves, Dr. Thurgood replied, “Fuck if I know. My P.H.D. is in media analysis. I have no idea what promoting a weekend’s worth of football games will do for a bunch of fat kids.”

 

Aeillo indicated that the league has plans for similar ‘Play 60′ programs in the coming months.

 

“In March, expect to see a new ‘Play 60′ rollout, in which we ask boys and girls to spend one hour each day going door to door selling exciting new NFL clothing and other merchandise, followed by August’s version when the children will remind their neighbors that at only six payments of $54.99, Direct TV’s ‘NFL Sunday Ticket’ remains a must-have for all true football fans. No, no, there’s no need to thank us America. We here at the NFL just love doing what we can to help out your kids.”

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8 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    January 4, 2014 at 11:29 am

    I love this site and a lot of the things that it does for humor and entertainment about the NFL. And everyone has a typo or two that I can look past. Stuff happens, no biggie, and I’m not that anal retentive. However, I notice an increasing amount of errors in PFM stories across the board. Not just one story, but several. Some get called out, some don’t. Point is, they’re happening.

    This site is great, it’s awesome, however, just take a few minutes to proofread before posting, and make sure key facts are checked. It would make things so much better.

  2. Anonymous

    January 2, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    Hey im faping really hard right now:$

  3. Anonymous

    January 2, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    Is* police*. Stupid autocorrect

  4. Anonymous

    January 2, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    Weeeeeeee oooooooooo weeeeeeeee oooooo
    This us the derp policy, what seems to be the problem here?

  5. Anonymous

    January 2, 2014 at 11:45 am

    Who are you the Derp police.

  6. Chrth

    January 2, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Well aren’t you precious, “Anonymous”. Don’t even know when to use Derp correctly.

  7. Anonymous

    January 2, 2014 at 9:54 am

    It sure is a good thing this is satire and not an actual factual news report.

    ‘methinks’…. DERP.

  8. Chrth

    January 2, 2014 at 7:12 am

    Methinks you got the times wrong for Saturday.

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