NBC Ratings Executive Has That “Cardinals-Browns Super Bowl” Nightmare Again

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Updated: November 12, 2014

DEMAREST, NJ – Jon Miller, President of Sports Programming for the NBC Television Network, woke up in a cold sweat at 3:47 AM this morning, and immediately roused his groggy wife Jan to tell her that he’d had, “that terrifying nightmare of an Arizona Cardinals-Cleveland Browns Super Bowl again,” according to sources close to the entertainment executive.

 

Cardinals Browns“It was awful. Just horrifying,” said Miller, whose job at the network depends upon strong ratings performances by NBC sports properties. “I dreamt that the Browns crushed the Broncos in the AFC Championship Game, while the Cardinals beat the Packers in the NFC. So instead of airing what would have been a high-scoring, historic matchup between Peyton Manning and Aaron Rodgers for a world championship, we were stuck trying to sell advertising time for a defensive contest featuring Drew Stanton and Brian Hoyer.”

 

Added Miller: “Look at my hands.  I’m still shaking.”

 

When reminded by his spouse that such a game would at least feature the storyline of Arizona trying to win the game in its home stadium, Miller dismissively responded, “Yeah, great. Tell that to all the bored viewers who just switched over to watch a rerun of ‘Bob’s Burgers’ on FOX.”

 

The Super Bowl, which will be broadcast Sunday February 1st on NBC next year, is traditionally the highest rated television program of the year, bringing in untold millions of dollars in ad revenue to any TV network fortunate enough to carry the game. According to Miller however, a Cardinals-Browns Super Bowl would be a significantly less appealing matchup then he would like.

 

“Do you know how much money we had to pay for the rights to air that game?” Miller asked, while heating up some warm milk to soothe his frazzled nerves. “If we’re going to turn a profit, we need big name players from popular teams like New England versus Dallas, or Denver against New Orleans, maybe. The only big name players we’d have in a Cardinals-Browns game would be Larry Fitzgerald and… okay, just Larry Fitzgerald.”

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10 Comments

  1. PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING

    November 17, 2014 at 10:08 am

    THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL BE BEATING ARIZONA’S ASS IN THE SUPER BOWL WILL BE PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING!!!! NONE OF THIS “TEAM” BULLSHIT!! and I know what you’ll say, “but Peyton, there’s no “I” in team!”. WELL THERE’S A ME IN TEAM. AND THAT’S “MR. GODDAMN MANNING TO YOU”.

  2. PjNob1e

    November 14, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    LOL! “Yeah, great. Tell that to all the bored viewers who just switched over to watch a rerun of ‘Bob’s Burgers’ on FOX.”

  3. AnonyMOOSE

    November 12, 2014 at 6:55 pm

    so the browns get one horrible andy Dalton performance and all of a sudden they are SB favorites??? lets just remember that this is the team that lost to Jacksonville right before that.

  4. Andrew Luck

    November 12, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    In all honesty, Mister TV executive I can beat the Browns.

    • Mark Sanchez

      November 12, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      Shut up Andrew Luck I can beat the Browns.

      • Brian Hoyer

        November 12, 2014 at 3:36 pm

        But Andy Dalton can’t

  5. Ben Roethlisberger

    November 12, 2014 at 11:26 am

    IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE THE CARDINALS AND BROWNS ARE BORING TEAMS WITHOUT ANY FANS.

  6. ifhss

    November 12, 2014 at 10:47 am

    LOLOL “high-scoring, historic matchup between Peyton Manning and Aaron Rodgers”
    For Rodgers maybe, Peyton will choke if he gets there again. Even as a Denver fan I cant trust him to win it.

    • PFM Comments

      November 12, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      Peyton probably does lose to the Browns.

    • PjNob1e

      March 3, 2016 at 6:15 pm

      But Peyton didn’t choke tho.. #Champs!!

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