Mathematically Challenged Matt Stafford Vows To Give “1.10%” Against Packers

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Updated: September 18, 2014

DETROIT – With a critical early-season showdown looming this weekend against the rival Green Bay Packers, Lions QB Matt Stafford vowed his team would give, “nothing less than 1.10% effort” against the reigning NFC North champs, according to sources close to the 6th year player.

 Stafford also told reporters that he recently ran a "45.5 second 40-yard dash," though we think that one might have been accurate.

Stafford also told reporters that he recently ran a “45.5 second 40-yard dash,” though we think that one might have been accurate.

 

“This is a huge game for us. So I told the guys at practice today that 1.00% just won’t cut it this week,” the mathematically challenged signal caller told reporters. “On Sunday, each of us needs to give a full 1.10% if were going to have a chance to win this thing. Anything less would just be an embarrassment ”

 

According to teammates, this is not the first time that Stafford has struggled with numerical concepts.

 

“i’m assuming Matt wasn’t a math major in college,” said WR Calvin Johnson. “He’s constantly telling us that we need to play hard for ‘all six quarters,’ and take the season ‘three games at a time.’ And don’t even get me started on the time he thought it was ‘5th down and 8 ounces to go for a first’.”

Leave a Reply

5 Comments

  1. Ben Roethlisberger

    September 20, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    IT’S NOT FUNNY BECAUSE GUY WHO WHISPERS PENIS IS BACK.

  2. Confused Person

    September 19, 2014 at 12:03 am

    Wow. And he’s not too bad. Imagine if he did go 100% he would be the best in the NFL.

  3. Jim in NYC

    September 18, 2014 at 11:44 am

    And yet, that’s still more than Randy Moss ever gave…

  4. Guy Who Whispers Penis

    September 18, 2014 at 7:28 am

    *whispers* penis

  5. PFM Comments

    September 18, 2014 at 1:23 am

    Eh, I’m pretty sure that he has indeed given 1.10% effort in some of the games I’ve watched him play.

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