Marshawn Lynch: “BEAST MODE USE BYE WEEK FOR QUIET REFLECTION, PERSONAL GROWTH”

By
Updated: November 25, 2013

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE, MOTHERFUCKERS.

 

BEAST MODE ENJOYING SPOILS OF SEAHAWKS BYE WEEK. NOT PRACTICE QUITE AS FEROCIOUSLY. REST POWERFUL THIGHS. MASSAGE MUSCULAR BACK. GET LONG OVERDUE HYDRATING SEAWEED FACIAL TO CLEANSE BEAST PORES.

 

BEAST MODE ALSO USE EXTRA FREE TIME OF BYE WEEK FOR SELF-EVALUATION. BEGIN TO EXAMINE OWN CHARACTER. REFLECT ON CURRENT STATE OF EXISTENCE, AS WELL AS OVERALL PLACE IN UNIVERSE. BEAST MODE WONDER IF PERHAPS BEAST MODE BECOMING TOO DRIVEN BY ANGER IN DAY TO DAY LIFE.

 

BEAST MODE NOT HAPPY BECAUSE BEAST MODE STILL FACING POTENTIAL FINE FROM PUNY ROGER GOODELL. NFL NOT HAPPY BEAST MODE THROW FOOTBALL INTO STANDS AS CELEBRATORY GESTURE WHILE DEFEATING PUNY VIKINGS. THIS CAUSE BEAST MODE TO FEEL INTENSE FURY. DON’T MISUNDERSTAND BEAST MODE. PAYING FINE NOT PROBLEM. BEAST MODE BANK ACCOUNT ENJOYING ROBUST GROWTH THANKS TO WELL-BALANCED, DIVERSIFIED PORTFOLIO. MONEY NOT ISSUE HERE. BEAST MODE RAGE PURELY MATTER OF PRINCIPLE.

MARSHAWN LYNCH BALL TOSS INTO STANDS

BEAST MODE ALSO ENRAGED OVER LACK OF RESPECT SEAHAWKS RECEIVE FROM NATIONAL SPORTSWRITERS. TIRED OF SHODDY TREATMENT SEAHAWKS GET FROM SO-CALLED EXPERTS OF DYING PRINT MEDIA. BEAST MODE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT SEAHAWKS SIT ATOP NEARLY ALL POWER POLLS. BUT BEAST MODE TAKE EXCEPTION TO PUNY SAINTS BEING #2. POSITIONS #2-5 SHOULD BE VACANT, TO PROPERLY SIGNIFY DISTANCE AT WHICH BEAST MODE AND SEAHAWKS ARE SUPERIOR TO REST OF PUNY NFL. BEAST MODE RESENT IMPLICATION THAT SAINTS ARE JUST ONE POWER POLL UNIT BEHIND SEAHAWKS.

 

BEAST MODE NOT EVEN MENTION MIXTURE OF EMOTIONS BEAST MODE FEEL TOWARD DEAL SIGNED WITH IRAN OVER CURTAILMENT OF NUCLEAR PROGRAM. BEAST MODE CERTAINLY HAPPY TO SEE TEHRAN’S NUCLEAR AMBITIONS HELD IN CHECK. BUT BEAST MODE ALSO CONCERNED  THAT DEAL MORE COSMETIC THAN PRACTICAL. BEAST MODE WORRIES THAT LOOPHOLES OF DEAL WILL ALLOW IRANIAN PRESIDENT HASSAN ROUHANI TO CONTINUE ENRICHING URANIUM WITHOUT THREAT OF CONSEQUENCE.

 

BUT BEAST MODE DIGRESS.

 

BEAST MODE RECOGNIZE NEED FOR SERENITY IN LIFE. BEAST MODE CAN ONLY GO BEAST MODE ALL OVER PUNY OPPONENTS IF BEAST MODE HAS ACHIEVED ONENESS WITH SELF. WITH CRUCIAL GAME AGAINST PUNY SAINTS LOOMING FOR TOP SEEDING OF NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE, BEAST MODE KNOWS HE MUST LEARN TO REIGN IN RAGEFUL FEELINGS, KEEPING ALL ANGER AND HOSTILITY PENT UP DEEP INSIDE, SO THAT ALL BEAST MODE FURY MAY BE UNLEASHED ON PUNY SAINTS AT JUST RIGHT MOMENT.

 

THAT WHY BEAST MODE OFFER UP FOLLOWING HUMBLE PRAYER TO HEAVENS:

 

GOD, GRANT BEAST MODE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THINGS BEAST MODE CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THINGS BEAST MODE CAN, AND WISDOM FOR BEAST MODE TO KNOW DIFFERENCE.

 

BEAST MODE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

29 Comments

  1. eljefedelmundo

    November 25, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Beast one yet..

  2. Seth

    November 25, 2013 at 11:47 am

    Is he really gonna get fined for something like that? What, was the league upset they lost a 20$ ball and now they’ve got to take it out on him or something?

  3. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    ^The NFL is probably worried its a liability issue if somebody gets hit in the face.

  4. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    What? No.

  5. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    this is the most amazing thing i have read in a while, thank you for making this.

  6. Lia

    November 25, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    This is the funniest thing ever. I thought I simply enjoyed this site. Now I am in love. I have to admit I am biased though…go hawks!

  7. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    This may actually be the SINGLE GREATEST USE OF THE WRITTEN ENGLISH LANGUAGE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!!!
    The Bible is a child porn mag compared to this moment of genius!!!

  8. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    That was awesome!

  9. Lawrence Brabham

    November 25, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    BEAST MODE, MOTHERFUCKERS.

  10. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    Well said!

  11. Deborah W

    November 25, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    May Beast Mode find Serenity in kicking puny Saints’ butts. <3

  12. alexgiobbi

    November 25, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    Man, that’s funny and deep at the same time. Love it, best opinion piece yet.

  13. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    BEAST MODE AWESOME AT RUN! SO BEAST MODE RUN FOR POLITICAL OFFICE AFTER BEAST MODE BECOMES LIKE SHAUN ALEXANDER AND NO LONGER RUNNING THREAT! BEAST MODE HAS MORE COMPETENCE THAN PRESIDENT OR CONGRESS! BEAST MODE CRUSH PUNY HILLARY CLINTON! BEAST MODE 2016 MOTHERFUCKERS!

  14. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    I hope he isn’t fined. I’m sure the fan that caught it was ok with it

  15. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    So this explains where Beast Mode was after being shut out of last weeks FB conversation despite 3 TDs… BEAST MODE BEST PART OF FB CONVOS, MOTHERFUCKERS

  16. Kapernickle

    November 25, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    CHRIS CHRISTIE UNABLE TO KEEP UP WITH BEAST MODE DUE TO MASSIVE BULK, BEAST MODE EASILY WIN RACE TO PRESIDENCY USING 4.46 40 TIME!

  17. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    love the Iran shoutout

  18. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    this needs to be a weekly or at least a monthly occurance. Easily the best article outside of the qb convo’s.

  19. Wade

    November 26, 2013 at 3:10 am

    “But Beast Mode Digress” …. Holy mother of pearl that is funny!!

  20. Kasey

    November 26, 2013 at 6:25 am

    BEASTMODE 2016 CAMPAIGN SLOGAN: BEASTMODE GOES WHEREEVER THE FUCK BEASTMODE WANTS, INCLUDING WHITE HOUSE!!! BEASTMODE, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

  21. Anonymous

    November 26, 2013 at 11:15 am

    He throws better than Kaepernick.

  22. ifhss

    November 26, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    I don’t get why he wouldnt be fined for that. Maybe a little but come on. What if that hit someone who can’t catch, like a baby or an older person?

  23. Sammy (@SammyPapaki7)

    November 26, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    This is the funniest part of this site right here.. Love the Beast Mode columns. There should be an advice column in which Marshawn always responds with some cerebral comment and then ends it with some violent act that bruises would be tacklers and embarrasses defensive linemen.

  24. jacobaden

    November 26, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    BEASTMODE 2016 MOTHERFUCKERS

  25. ufficiopostale

    November 27, 2013 at 2:34 am

    Glad that to see that Beast Mode is socially aware, introspective, principled and smart with his finances.

  26. Anonymous

    November 27, 2013 at 10:16 am

    BEASTMODE HAPPY TO SEE BEASTMODE 2016 GAINING MOMENTUM!!! BEASTMODE FEEL SAFER ABOUT RETIREMENT WHEN BEASTMODE CROSSES THAT BRIDGE!!! BEASTMODE NOT CONTENT TO BE TALKING HEAD ON NFL NETWORK!! BEASTMODE 2016 BITCHES!!

  27. Pingback: Funny Beast Mode Article - SportsHoopla.com Sports Forums

  28. Michael Niedzielski

    November 29, 2013 at 10:29 am

    BEAST MODE HODOR11

  29. BEN R

    December 4, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    Because Marshawn Lynch is really Shaquille O’Neal, you see

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