NEW YORK – After learning that he had been officially released by the New York Jets, and despite express orders from head coach Rex Ryan to the contrary mere seconds earlier, QB Mark Sanchez let the door hit him on the ass as he walked out of Jets headquarters late Friday, team sources reported.
“Dammit. I JUST told him not to do that, like ten seconds ago,” an exasperated Ryan sighed to no one in particular after Sanchez recovered from the butt-slam and continued on his way to the parking lot carrying a duffel bag. “Christ, that is classic Sanchez right there.”
The move had been widely expected after the Jets signed former Eagles QB Michael Vick last week. Yet despite knowing the termination was coming, Sanchez still managed to fumble away his opportunity for a graceful exit.
“Can’t say I’m surprised,” said retired Jets guard Brandon Moore, who in 2012 provided the “butt” in Sanchez’s now infamous butt-fumble against the New England Patriots. “Mark’s not exactly the most graceful guy when trying to navigate away from a stressful situation. Whether he’s running from an outside pass rush or a contract termination, you can be pretty sure that he’s going to crash into something. Might be a door. Might be my ass.”
“But here’s the really weird thing about the whole door-ass hit,” Ryan later told reporters. “The front of our training facility is one of those sliding glass door things. How are you going to get hit on the butt by a sliding glass door? But that’s Sanchez for you. No matter how improbable it may seem, if there’s a way to have some sort of embarrassing ass-malfunction, Mark’s butt will always find a way.”