John Elway Keeps Saying, “Aw, I Was JUST Gonna Pick That Guy” at NFL Draft
NEW YORK – As the third day of the NFL Draft progressed Saturday, coaches and managers for the other 31 teams were getting pretty sick of hearing Broncos GM John Elway shout, “Aw man, I was JUST gonna take that guy!” after seemingly every selection, sources confirmed early this morning.
“Look! Look at my notes!” Elway reportedly said while shoving a handwritten piece of loose leaf paper toward Houston Texans GM Rick Smith who moments earlier had selected DE Trevardo Williams. “I was literally gonna take that guy next. I can’t believe you stole him from me!”
In addition to his constant complaining over players, Elway has reportedly alienated his fellow GM’s with other obnoxious behavior as well.
“Jesus, he is SO annoying,” said Ravens general manager Ozzie Newsome. “Whenever it’s John’s turn to draft, he keeps saying things like, ‘Hey, has anyone taken Chance Warmack yet? How about Star Lotulelei? Is he still on the board?’ It’s like, come on man. Take notes like the rest of us. Scratch guys off your list when they get picked. Instead he keeps slowing the whole draft down.”
“Yeah, everything comes to a screeching halt when Elway’s turn come up,” agreed the New York Giants’ Jerry Reese. “He waits until the very last second to make his selection, every time. We’re all sitting there going, ‘Elway! Make a pick already!’ And he just keeps flipping through his draft magazine looking at stats or whatever. And god forbid he goes to take a piss. When he gets back, he’s all, ‘What did I miss? Who got picked?’ We have to sit there and go through every choice that was made while he was gone. Man, we need one of those paper draft board things to hang on the stage or something.”
“Plus he always asks such stupid questions. ‘Hey guys, how many TE’s can I start? Can I put a third WR in my lineup as a flex player?’ Geez, we all learned the scoring system before the draft, why can’t he?”
Elway’s quirks manage to irritate the league commissioner as well.
“This draft lasts a long time, so I brought a Subway 12″ turkey sub and a large bag of Ruffles to get me through the day,” said Roger Goodell. “But because Elway ‘forgot’ to bring his own snacks, he not only bummed half my sandwich and mooched a bunch of my chips, he also drank three of the six Sprites that I brought with me. I think, next year, instead of Radio City Music Hall, we’ll have the draft at (New York Giants owner) John Mara’s house, and not tell Elway about it. Otherwise, he just ruins the whole day.”
- Seahawks Super Bowl Ring Features Diamond-Studded Image Of Peyton Manning Crying
- Roger Goodell Concludes 2014 NFL Draft By Announcing Jaguars Are Officially “On The Clock” With First Pick Of 2015
- Richie Incognito Urges Rams To Sign Him Immediately So He Can Beat The Shit Out Of Michael Sam
- Browns Fans Experience Rare Eighteen Hour Period Of Hope Before Reverting Back To Normal State Of Misery