DALLAS – Cowboys TE Jason Witten, a nine-time pro bowl selection as well as the 2012 NFL Man of the Year, is still scoring some major tail thanks to that one time he ran really far in a game without his helmet, sources close to the player reported early this morning.
“I’ve never seen a tight end nail as much trim as Jason does,” remarked RT Doug Free. “Everywhere we go, dozens of these smokin’ honeys jiggle up to the guy and are all, ‘squee! Are you that guy that ran without a helmet that one time?’ And he just sort of nods slowly and fixes them with this really intense gaze of his. And that’s when the panties start squishing to the floor, I tell ya.”
Despite being married to wife Michelle for several years now, Witten still manages to “hit all the hottest poon available” at bars and nightclubs across the country, thanks to the 53 yard helmetless scamper that occurred on Sunday Night football against the Philadelphia Eagles in 2007.
“No, I’m not happy about all the girls he sleeps with,” said Ms. Witten. “But it sort of comes with the territory. You can’t watch your husband charge down a field without a helmet like some mighty gladiator, then NOT expect him to bang a bunch of horny groupies, you know?”
In related news, sources close to former Miss USA finalist Candace Crawford confirm that the beauty queen is still withholding sex from husband Tony Romo because of that one time he dropped a snap that would have won a playoff game.