INTERCEPTED TEXT: Tom Brady and Peyton Manning Get Ready For the AFC Championship Game

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Updated: January 16, 2014

MANNING BRADY PLAYOFF TEXT clean 475 2

AT&T

10:52am
71%

PEYTON MANNING

PEYTON, QUICK, I NEED YOUR HELP

Why? Just ran out of tampons and today’s your heavy flow day?

Aw, you’re such a kidder. But no, this is a SUPER SERIOUS PROBLEM.

Fine. What?

My teammates and I can’t agree on where to go for our Patriots victory celebration on Sunday night.

Can you tell me where other teams usually hold their parties after they beat you in the playoffs?

Gee, I’d love to help you Brady, but I’m a little preoccupied with my own problems at the moment.

See, ever since I set the all-time record for passing TDs in a single season, I’ve just been so flooded with interview requests.

I seem to recall you had that record at one point, right? Must be nice not to have all that attention anymore, eh?

Well unfortunately, I still have to deal with LOTS of distracting attention.

Whenever people see the three huge Super Bowl rings on my hand, they always pester me with SO many annoying questions.

“Are you some sort of sporting king?” “Doesn’t your hand get tired from all that weight?" “Aah! I’ve been blinded by the glare coming off your championship jewelry!”

You’re so lucky you just have the one. I’m sure no one even notices it.

You know what? I envy you and your stable of subpar WRs.

Having a superstar like Wes Welker choose me over you makes being a premier QB almost TOO easy.

On the contrary, my friend. You’re the lucky one for having such a top-notch group of receivers to hide your flaws.

I’m stuck having to actually play well in order to carry the offense on my shoulders.

Oh, I’m not lucky. Being the highest paid QB in the NFL is SUCH a curse.

I can’t tell you how many times I day I have to tell people, “Yes, I suppose the amount of money a QB is paid DOES reflect how good that QB is, but please, can’t you fans just let me eat my meal in peace?”

Sometimes I wish I was just the 15th highest paid QB, like you are. Then people would assume I’m mediocre and leave me alone.

Oh sorry Peyton, I missed your last text.

I was busy gluing some extra padding into my helmet to make it fit better. Darn this small, handsome forehead of mine!

Huh? What’d you say? I was busy icing my sore hand because of all the high-5s I get from my teammates. I know it’s not something you can relate to, but trust me, those high-5s can hurt sometimes.

Oh no, I can relate. Back in November when I orchestrated a huge 24 point comeback against an AFC rival, you should’ve seen how red my hand was from all the high-5s I got.

But what am I telling you for? You were there. I’m sure you saw how happy my team was.

Yeah, I remember that game. And I remember going on from there to post the best record in the AFC.

You’re so lucky you get to travel and see America during the playoffs. We’re stuck here in Denver with this darn home field advantage.

Oh, you're so right. I'm going to freeze my ass off playing in that cold New York Super Bowl in two weeks. You're lucky you'll be nice and warm on your couch at home.

Actually, I'll be the one who's stuck playing in that game. You should be thankful you'll be sipping hot cocoa while you do in-studio analysis for ESPN5 or something.

YOU’RE LUCKY YOU DON’T HAVE THE RECORD FOR MOST PLAYOFF GAMES BY A QB LIKE I DO

YOU’RE LUCKY YOU DON’T HAVE THE ALL TIME SINGLE SEASON PASSING YARDAGE RECORD LIKE I DO

YOU’RE LUCKY YOU DON’T HAVE THE RECORD FOR MOST SUPER BOWLS APPEARANCES BY A QB LIKE - - I - - DO

YOU’RE LUCKY YOU DON’T HAVE THE RECORD FOR MOST MVP AWARDS LIKE ****I**** DO!

YOU'LL BE LUCKY IF WE DON'T WIN THIS GAME BY AT LEAST 5 TOUCHDOWNS.

CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY IF I DON'T COME OVER TO YOUR SIDELINE AND SMACK THE CLEFT OFF YOUR CHIN DURING OUR VICTORY.

Haha. Well this sure has been fun Peyton. Good luck avoiding your customary season ending interception in Sunday.

Yeah, this was a blast. Good luck coping with the pressure of yet another championship game defeat.

But seriously, I still need a recommendation for my team's after-victory party.

I recommend your Mom's house. I hear she's used to handling 53 guys at once.

Leave a Reply

22 Comments

  1. Barimah007

    March 17, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    Hahahaha

  2. XxMGKBMXxX

    March 4, 2014 at 9:27 am

    Your moms house lmaoo

  3. Richard Sherman

    March 2, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT ME RUSTY! DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT ME!

  4. Rusty BlackMist Mustang

    February 18, 2014 at 9:06 pm

    Which of the Seahawks corners intercepted this text?

  5. Ben roethlisberger

    February 6, 2014 at 9:03 am

    It’s funny because belicheck is a Sith Lord you see

  6. Patriots Fan

    February 3, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    u guys are some fucking wierdos

  7. DirtyBird221

    January 25, 2014 at 9:49 pm

    The Dark Side rules again! Be gone Jedi scum!!!

  8. Darth Anonymous

    January 20, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    Ha! Nice try Palpatine but your feeble neck massages won’t faze me. Nor your sissy lightning. Plagueis was weak but that was no surprise considering you were his apprentice. Didn’t yours throw you down a chasm on tge Death Star? Ha ha ha! Maybe if you didn’t spend your nights fantasizing about Yoda you could have picked a more loyal servant. Oh yes. We all know how you felt about Yoda despite the laws against love in the force. That’s why you couldn’t finish him off.

  9. Palpatine

    January 20, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    You may hide your name, but I know who you are. You are Darth Plagueis, my old master.
    *forcechokes Plagueis*
    And now you are no more.

  10. Darth Anonymous

    January 20, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    Bill Wittenberg, I sense you are a Detroit Lions fan. Your team’s history is more laughable than anything said between myself and Belichick. Not even with his coaching talent or my evil powers could your team achieve greatness. Maybe an 8-8 record which for you would be as good as winning the Super Bowl.

  11. Bill Wittenberg

    January 20, 2014 at 8:42 am

    Darth guys, your funny ended at Dar.

  12. Darth Anonymous

    January 19, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    There can only be one Sith lord and it is me!!! You are nothing Belichick and the performance showed it! My prophecy record is 19-0! 19-0! Have you ever achieved a record like that? Of course you haven’t. Brady tears are making me stronger!!!!!!! Well done Jedi Master Manning! Best of luck against the NFC champion. If a non-elite QB like Joe Flacco can do it, so can you.

  13. Darth Belichick

    January 17, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Master Anonymous, you survived! It’s great to see you again, old friend! But come Monday, you, like your Jedi Friend, Peyton-wan Kenobi, will be no more! I have waited for this moment, my little Anonymous friend!

  14. Darth Anonymous

    January 17, 2014 at 10:16 am

    You’re going down Belichick. Even if your apprentice pulls if off this weekend, he will have to face the mighty NFC and my powers have already guaranteed them a victory. They will crush your pretty boy and we will see him cry on national TV once again.

  15. Anonymous

    January 17, 2014 at 8:49 am

    Sorry i meant players

  16. Anonymous

    January 17, 2014 at 7:45 am

    You guys should make a convo with several Seahawks and 49ers fans, like you did with the Redskins and Cowboys last season

  17. Big Ben

    January 17, 2014 at 7:28 am

    It’s funny because their teams often go up against each other in the AFC Playoffs, you see.

  18. Anonymous

    January 16, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    BEST. CONVO. EVER. You’ve outdone yourselves again PFM

  19. Eli Manning

    January 16, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    Peyton says he’s sick and I have to cover for him this week. I guess it will be fun playing you again Brady.

  20. Anonymous

    January 16, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    Meh

  21. Anonymous

    January 16, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    He is yied for qb appearances in a super bowl with elway

  22. ifhss

    January 16, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    KELSO ” BURNED”

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